shortcomings

many times (and not bragging now, yo) i've had people tell me, "wow, what can you not do?".
they see i can take (half decent) pictures, and write (pretty much, anyway), and i (dabble in) poetry, and (think i can) sing, and (had to learn how to) sew, and they think my talents are as far reaching as the sky.
buts its really not all that true, and i cringe when people say that, because it makes me think of all the things i cannot do.
i don't take compliments well anyway.
don't ask me to draw, for i cannot, in the slightest, draw. if you want stick people and 'm' birds, you have come to the right place.
i have trouble thinking in 3D, which is why i cannot play minecraft to save my life. i get lost, and just tunnel into the ground.
i really flunk at bowling, and pool, and anything active.
never ask for me to write you a play or skit, or anything on stage, for i will not embarrass myself that way. 
i still haven't gripped science and math all that well.
i don't garden.
public speaking is a joke since i can't even ask the lady at the help desk a simple question.
and any fine detail craft is sure to be thrown against the wall in grieved annoyance.

i'm really not that great.
and yet, i constantly attempt to do these shortcomings, only making myself feel crummier because i cannot stand not being able to do something. 

we went bowling last week, and it made me mad. while everyone else was hitting all five pins down, i was lucky if i got three. for the first couple of rounds, i was dejected, especially when my younger ('younger' meaning, 7 years old) sister was playing better than myself.
and then my parents bought nachos, and those nachos probably enlightened me or something.  nachos are food from heaven, especially when they have jalapenos.
i realized.
just because i'm not good at something doesn't mean i don't enjoy doing them.
and just because i like something, it doesn't mean i have to be good at it.
i enjoy playing pool and bowling, even though i always lose, because i just enjoy the playing.
i enjoy doodling, even if it's a miserable doodle, and when i try to draw the Enterprise, my sister asks why i drew a fork floating in space.

i like my shortcomings.
and i shouldn't let them stop me.
i cannot run very well, haven't since i was little. and so i stopped running. completely.
you will only see me running now if it's an emergency.
but, i used to run through the woods surronding our house, and pretended i was an indian girl named 'Wind Deer' and was the fastest indian girl around.
but then, i realized.
at eight years old, i realized i wasn't as fast as everyone else, and i decided, if i couldn't be the best, i wouldn't be at all.
i wanted to be the 'Wind Deer' or nothing. 
and i still don't run because of it.
thats my shortcoming.
the desire to be the best at everything or else i won't try at all, because i don't see it worth my effort to be second, third, or fifth place.
i only want to be number one with the shiny blue ribbon.

i'm not going to let that shortcoming cause me to give up other things, like playing pool, or jumping rope, or swimming, or singing, or even writing.

i don't have to be the best.
i just have to enjoy it.