God help the girl // this year

in many ways, for many of us (most of us), 2016 has been a downright awful year. 

i agree. 

this has been a hard year to blog through; recording it would probably have been important, but in many ways, getting through each day was my priority.

within this last year, i lost a grandmother that i hadn't known until months before her death. it shouldn't have been as grievous as it was, except that within the few months that i got to know her, i also was allowed to finally bond.

i watched my brother go from being in a happy and blissful courtship with a girl that my family positively adored, to watching our families break and the bond between both the couple and our families shatter.  it was sad. it felt avoidable. but it happened.

celebrities have died. a dear family member is quite likely dying. acquaintances have died. i had to leave a job i loved and thrived in. and oh, by the way, of my childhood group of friends, can you guess who is the last to be neither married nor engaged? if you guessed me, bingo.

but you know, this whole year hasn't been awful. sure, there were awful bits, but there were downright good parts too.

i :: i thrived in my skin. early this year (or late last year) i had made a post about accepting myself. the funny thing is, even when you accept who you are, there is always so much more you can find to love within yourself. i learned who i am, and learned that i can be so much more. then i became more.

ii :: i mentioned the job that i loved, but it was so much more.  it stretched me, and made me stop testing foreign waters with only my toes. it taught me that i would never do anything if i didn't cannonball dive into it. also i learned how to hold an adult-ish phone conversation without totally displaying an error message. i loved my coworkers, and still dearly miss them. but i am glad, so very glad, that i got to know them.

iii :: i came to my knees and submitted. it truly was a 'cold and broken hallelujah.' oh how glorious it was to kneel and sob and reach out and have heavenly hands grab you. i used to have a lot of worries and uncertainties. no more.

iiii :: i found home in a small southern town. i've never truly felt like i belonged in a place until this place. i have a wandering soul, but if it ever needs a place to roost here in the south, that is where it will be.

iiiii :: my grandmother. i hadn't seen her since i was....five, or younger. we had no bond and no relationship. but then she got sick, and i am forever grateful that in her time of need, we were able to show her the forgiveness we ourselves had been given. i am thankful that even while my time with her was short (and rocky at first -- forgiving is easy. forgetting and trusting? not so much), it was a good time. i learned that we shared interests, and having her in our lives brought other distanced family members into our life as well. in the end, her death reunited a separated family.

so while this year had blights, it had many positive elements as well, and for those, i am thankful.
but it was packed, it was full of sadness and happiness; of rush and exhausted tranquility. 
i meant to get back into blogging during 2016, but i think i picked the worst possible year to return myself to this sphere.
so, this is me, trying to restart (again).

i miss blogging, i miss having a place to pen out my thoughts, and i miss my audience. i want to return.

if all goes well, i would like to have a new post once a week. at least. this will take some work at the start, as i am rusty and out of practice. (encouragement is much appreciated...lol).
but i want to do this. i think i am ready to do this. further, i am desperately excited to do this.
so, lets do this thing.

i will see all of you in 2017; aka: the year we all hope is better than the last.

( explaining the title: God Help The Girl, by Belle and Sebastian, has been my sort of go-to song throughout 2016, especially the first set of verses: 

 "There is no way I'm looking for a boyfriend
There is no way I'm looking for a scene
I need to save some dough
I'm a working girl, you know
I'll fend attention off; I keep to myself"

so, it felt appropriate to make the title thus. )

 all photos taken from here.