Why do I hide?

I've been an imaginer since I was little.  As long as I can remember, I've written stories in my head.  As I grew older, I began putting those stories on paper. And I showed them to my parents with the excitement only a little child can have.

I remember one story in particular, it was about a fox named Danny.  I named him after my Dad, and offered up my first fruits (complete with pencil drawings!) to my Daddy with glee.

But as I grew older, I grew into my self.  I will say, my 13th year was a hard one.  I was rebellious, and didn't always want to confide to my parents.  I thought the whole world hated me, and I turned in and created my own world. One where I was in control.

I didn't want to share this world with anyone.  I was afraid if I opened up my personal Narnia's door, that the woes of this world would somehow leak in.  I didn't want any one touching the friends I created, I didn't want anyone to say something was wrong or illogical.  I had everything just how I wanted it.

Thus saying, my writing was just a doorway to the world I so cherished.  I refused to let anyone read them.  If I did, they might find my Narnia's doorway and come in.

As time has learned me, I'm not so silly anymore.  I will say, my imagination is a magical doorway for me still.  When I'm upset I curl up, and forget what dimension I truly am in.  I am a bit more open about my writing, but I still hide it.

I think the reason is, I'm afraid of anyone telling me that I write crap.  I'm afraid someone will laugh at parts I want them to cry at.  I'm afraid my Mom won't approve of what I write.  I'm afraid of being told to "give it up".
I'm afraid.

So, this year, I started something new.  I stepped out of my comfort zone.  I stopped hiding.  There is a real life, I'm not in Imaginaria, I have to face up, step up.  I hold a pen. I can't hide the light in a bushel.  I have to fly out with my Faerie wings, and touch the sun.  Yes, I might get burned.  But, coming back to earth with a droplet of Sun is worth it, isn't it?


What is in my imagination isn't just mine.  Narnia has a right to be known.  I created it, now, I need to share it.  A bird never does any good, if it stays in the nest with it's head in its feather.  I need to fly, and try out my voice.  A new singer might not always sound like a seasoned one. In fact, it's rare for anyone to sound beautiful when they start out.

I'm a writer. I will someday publish my work.  
Right now, I've let some close friends read a NIW. (Novel in Works) to critique me.  Girls, you just don't understand the mental terminal I go through each time I click 'Send' with a new installment.
I almost feel like I'm giving my heart to them, for them to poke, prod, and judge.  But I know it is good for me. I know I NEED to do this.  No matter how painful.  I need to crack the shell I've made for myself.

Now, I'm not saying I'm letting people into Imaginaria free of charge.  I have a few people on my list that just aren't allowed in, yet.  I've even learned that when I write, I don't need to throw open the door to my personal Narnia...just season the words with Imaginaria's magical charm.
I firmly believe, a person's imagination is his most sacred spot.  Never try to pry in there un asked.
You might encounter a Dragon to counter Attack you.


  1. I think you just wrote my soul into a blog post. No seriously. You just plastered my soul all over your blog.

    I'd like to propose something.

    I write. You know that. So, if you need an editor, I'm here. I'd gladly edit something of yours. Without hesitation. But a disclaimer: I'm kind of a grammar Nazi.

    But I also want to ask you to be one of mine. At this point, it's been at least a month since I touched my novel. And I'd like to ask you...would you mind terribly being an editor of mine? I don't have one. Qui's been busy lately, otherwise I'd ask her, but you're the only other person I wanted to ask (besides Jocee. But I'm asking her later.). So...would you mind? It's perfectly alright if you say no.

  2. I can totally empathise with you on this though for me it's my artworks and designs. I did write for a time when I was younger and I NEVER let anyone read what I wrote and I still don't let people see what I write now.

    I think it's wonderful that you're breaking free. It's scary and makes you so vulnerable because what you write reflects so much about you, it's as open as someone opening your skull and picking at your brain. It lets people see how you think and feel about situations and what you value and don't.

    I hope for the best for you and your writing!

  3. Oh man, this blog post nailed it.

    I enjoy writing (I mean, I do blog, after all) and I don't really mind people knowing my opinion on things. In fact, it's been said that I push my opinions on people too much. But when it comes to writing novels, stories, journals...I'm the most uptight, quiet person there could be. It terrifies me to have anyone ask to read part of a story I've written, especially if it is an original. Fan fiction, I don't mind too much -the world was already created by someone else, and I'm merely adding my ideas to it. But original pieces of writing...Yeesh.

    Congrats on your "coming out" (wow, that just doesn't sound quite the way it did in my head...). :)

    1. Oh, yes, I'm full of opinions. And I don't hesitate when speaking of them. But, writing is different. It's like showing your soul to some one else...

  4. This was such a beautiful post Ashley, I always love it when you speak right from your heart...and then you add gorgeous pictures! I always have a hard time speaking from my heart, but when we speak from our heart, that always makes the posts much better! =)

  5. http://dramaticelegance.blogspot.com/2012/02/wonder-mother.html

    you won something! <3

  6. Beautiful... thank you for sharing your thoughts in this post. Beautiful pictures... Your words almost sounds like poetry. Not everyone is going to love your imagination, but that's okay, because God does, AND a whole lot of other people will too :)
    Personally? I think that you are doing things the right way. You want to share your world, but you also want to be careful not to "throw you pearls before swine".

  7. lovely post. very moving. i love to hide away in my little world of writing but i know i must appear at some point. i wish i had ur courage. :)

  8. That was amazing. Really, it was practically everything I've felt/thought. Except it's about my music. I know what you mean about being hesitant to show the world your work. What if it's not good enough? What if they misunderstand your messages? Yeah. That's how I feel anyways. But don't let anyone or anything stop you Ashley! We can do it ;D ♥


Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.
- Blaise Pascal