The Urge To Be

I have never been plagued with the 'Follower-Contest' and 'Lack-Of-Popularity-Depression' that so many other Bloggers have been plagued with. I think it's because I started out with this blog (Then named 'Notes From the Field'. Gosh, I'm a totally different person then when I first started this blog) I didn't have any goal in mind other then for it to be an online journal. I had only one follower, and it was fine by me. That follower was my then-best Friend, and we talked weekly, yet still kept up with each others blogs. I was, and have been, perfectly content with the follower count, popularity, and such. Comments could be higher, but oh well.
Green hair? It's a edit, I swear. My hair is NOT green. I've very much a blond. Very much.

But I'm not a blogger goddess with no pitfalls. By no means am I. While I might not be desperate for more followers, pining for more comments, or trying boost my overall popularity, I have my own thorn.

The Desire to be whimsical.

Ok, that's enough. Stop laughing. It's true! I look at Bloggers like Rachel, Jocee, Lucia, and Annika, and think, "That's how I want to be. I want to be whimsical. I want to spell everything in lowercases, Use only my own photography in posts, Have random photoshoots of myself and use them in posts, And eat a Rainbow unicorn poop Cupcake a day. Because I think Jocee does".
Ok, so, kidding on that last part, maybe, but I'm serious. I want to be whimsical, and well, try as I might to tell myself otherwise, that's not who I am.

I like Video games that involve killing (NOT whimsical AT ALL). I get cupcakes once a year. I always capitalize. Even Things That Don't Need To Be Capitalized. Literally. It hurts me to NOT capitalize things. Sometimes, I'm just to lazy to use just my own photography in posts (Im actually working on that, though. Copyright infringement, KWIM?). I use abbreviations and smily faces, XD ^.^ KWIM LOL :) (: ;D and I use them often.
I don't have any Bohemian in me, unless you count a singular passion for Henna. I'm not the Anne Shirley type. I don't see fairies behind every door, and Magic in everyone's eyes. I adore Anne, but I'm not her.
And in case you ask, I'm Jo March. 100% Jo March.
I make typos. Becuase Im noy pergect. (unlike Jocee).
I don't write Posts in prose (like Rachel).
And I don't make Black and White look like color (Like Lucia).
I don't have big pictures and a darling little font (like Annika) because, I'm American and I like things big. (Joking).
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, I don't find inspiration in cupcakes and dust and Dirty Fingers and Everything in between.

I'm just not whimsical.
I'm not them.
I'm me.

And even while writing this, I took 3 minutes trying to decide what to title it. I originally had "The Urge to be" but wanted to change it to something that was one word. Since, subconscienely, I was noting, that is what Rachel does. And thats the 'popular' thing to do. One worded Blog post titles.  But I caught myself, gave myself a mental scolding, and changed it back to 'The Urge To Be'.

That is my error. I try to make myself different, even in real life, I stretch and pull myself to be different. It's not intentional, I don't even notice I do it until a Thor-like lightning bolt hits me square in the cranium. A friend says she likes Breaking Benjamin, and Skillet, a week later, so do I. It's not that I try to be like others in that way, I don't want to fit any preset form. But, I don't like telling people I don't like something they love. So, I teach myself to love it. I teach myself to be a chameleon and change colors. But I do it so often, it's sometimes hard to remember what color I really am.

If I don't watch out, I'll lose my identity.

I'm me. Ashley Tahg (The One to Blame). I'm weird, I don't follow any fashion style unless its mine. I don't type in lowercase. I love superheroes and Halo to much to be whimsical. I like cheesecake more then cupcakes. I don't have a mini font. I use Pinterest pictures in posts sometimes. My post titles are rarely inspiration on their own. I take pictures of things, not myself. I have my own style, voice, and path. I need to stop urging myself to be something else.

Who are you?


  1. Well gosh, this is brilliant, and helped me a lot to figure out exactly why I write the posts I like. I'll admit, I think I copy other people more than I want to. Thanks for the encouragement, Ashley!

    And fyi, I love Every. Single. Post. Of. Yours. :)

  2. Oh my.
    You just spelled out everything I've been trying and failing to convey through my own posts..
    Gahh. I thought I was the only one.
    Thank you Ashley :)

  3. I love this post. :) Tis a lot of what I've been trying to tell myself.

    I am Me. I am awkwardly tall, gangly, derpy, not at all graceful in my own eyes. I am obnoxious, I act like a child because I like fun and I don't care who knows it. Yet I also act annoyingly mature and will often be teased for it. I imagine. As much as I'm told to get my head out of the clouds, I can't help but twirl around in awe of my imagination and the worlds it creates. I'm a geek. Plain and simple. I love anything from sci-fi and comics to biology and nature. I don't write blog posts flawlessly and with ease, they don't flow with the reader and make them think I'm the perfect hipster blogger who is oh so unrealisticly relatable. On the contrary. >.> My posts are a jumbled mess of thoughts and I often contridict myself and I sometimes can't even get what's in my brain onto a blog post so I just quit. I'm loud and outgoing until it comes to certain things because I'm just backwards like that. I try to tell myself that I have fashion sense and could be the best fashion blogger ever but we all know that's not true (graphic tee and sneakers anyone?).I'm probably as far from you as anyone can get Ashley, but that's okay. I remember I used to compare myself to a lot of popular bloggers (including you ;D) and it just didn't work out (to my dismay). It wasn't until more recently that I realized something. These popular bloggers are doing the things that scream them. And if I want to be satisfied with my blogging, I should too!

  4. I needed that advice! Thank you ashley

  5. Thank you so much for this Ashley! Sometimes I fall into this same trap and try to be who I'm not, which usually ends in disaster...

    Some of my own insecurities: I'm tall and too self conscious about it to wear high heels, I try to convince myself I like politics so I'll read more about them, it makes me uncomfortable telling people I was homeschooled, I'm often too blunt and sometimes my sarcasm turns too much toward the bitter side, I try to act hipster even though I love Taylor Swift. ;D

    Also, most of the time when bloggers try to be who they aren't, their readers can tell. And they don't like that - they want real. :)

  6. How have I not commented on this yet? ;D
    This is like one of my favorite posts you've done. <3 You speak the truth my e-sister. ;) You are most definitely Ashley Tahg (The One To Blame) ;) I love you!!! You're awesome and fantastic and hilarious.
    My mum was reading your blog and said that she loves it. ;)

    You are very right in all of this....this post is the essence of my own blog. I've got this thing with being who YOU are and not being who someone makes you out to be. ;) It's way more fun being yourself.

    Mwah mwah darling,
    Grace <3

  7. Cute post. I agree with the heart of what you're saying, though I cannot compute for the life of me how size 11.3px arial makes me 'whimsical'. And I'm American too, so... :P

  8. It adds a sense of cute-ness. :p Somehow.

  9. Ok. I loved this post. I've been blogging for about five years trying to find my "niche", but utterly failed at fashion and encouragement. Now I just talk about writing and include photographs I've taken. It's random and not at all cute and whimsical, but I still love it.

    I could relate to much to this post. You said everything I've been thinking in my head.


Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.
- Blaise Pascal