Hush now, my baby.

Dear Nate:

I love you little buddy.  I didn't want to get to attached, since I was afraid Jesus might want to have you there with him.
But even though I haven't felt your little fingers wrap trustingly around mine.
But even though I haven't smelt your little downy head.
But even though I haven't heard your sweet crying.
But even though I haven't held your tiny body.
I love you.

And, I'm going to miss you.
I'm going to miss snuggling you, and I'm going to miss hearing you say "Addy" when you call my name.
I'm going to miss hearing your darling baby laughs, and I'm going to miss holding your hand as you learn to walk.
I'm going to miss showing you how to make the Vulcan salute, and I'm going to miss you.
Just you.
Where you are at, I hope you can hear me, because, I want you to know, even though I hadn't really met you, I loved you.
Little Samuel Nathan, my little brother.
Just know I loved you, just know I love you, alright?

Tiny little human being, so tiny, so cold.

Tiny little human being, never to grow old.

Tiny little human, I long to have you to hold.

 Tiny little human, I wish you were here.

Sleep well, little brother.

Samuel Nathan H.

 

I know I've already posted, but this is important, and I had to get it out of my heart. 

I lost my first sibling today.  This is new to me, and painful.  I never got to meet little Nate, We don't even really know if he is in fact a he....but we lost him all the same.
I'm just so....I don't know.  How can it hurt so badly when I never even met him? How could I miss someone I've never been introduced to? How is this even possible?

But I do hurt.  

I want to cry.

But I can't.

Mama is having it a bit rough right now, it's time to put on my game face, and keep things together. 
But, I think until she gets home, I'm going to go lay down and cry.

Please, keep my family in your prayers.  This is the first time we've ever had a miscarriage in our family, and we have a stressful catering job coming up that we can't back out of. 

Now. to go allow myself a cry.