how the time flies

 so today is the final day of two thousand thirteen. Oh this year of the future comes to an end. 

how bloody even. 

wasn't yesterday just january? didn't i just welcome in the new year? 

i sit here in a stupor, not sure how it can possibly be the end to 2013, not sure how i feel about the end of another year.  

not sure how i feel about 2013, but i know how i feel about 2014. 

This was the year I purposed to live, to become.  i dont know if i did. i do not know how i went through this year, since it was all a blur of colors and seasons. 

im feeling impossibly fragmented in time. 

 for me, this year is slipping away into the night (old friend, why are you so shy? ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light), quietly departing without so much as a wave or kiss.  there is no thunder of fireworks bursting with ringing song inside my soul, there is no grand countdown in my heart, there is only a whisper of tomorrow. 

2013 is making a meek departure, 2013 is allowing sister 2014 to take the center light.

and in the foolishness of my heart, i want to continue to hold on to this year, i want its lazy delight to last forever, because even though i am so entirely in love with what 2014 and it's promise of tomorrow holds, because only yesterday was the time of our lives, and while tomorrow's tomorrows will be beautiful and daring, a breath of wind tossed air and a cry of something new and exciting, 

im holding 2013 with tight fingers, and asking, "must you leave so soon?" 

because for me, it isn't over. 

Must you leave so very very soon?

but it seems i must let go, i must take a forward step into the adventuring light that twenty fourteen has glimmering about it, i must allow twenty thirteen to fade away as a memory, i cannot hold on to the comfort of familiar things forever. 

so, i blow you a kiss, 2.0.1.3. i wave to you, i allow you to slip away as you desire, i wish nothing but the best for you and me.  but now, you and me can no longer be in the same breath. you shall move to the past, and i to the future. 

my dreams will come true, my life will take turns, exciting hazy dizzy turns, and you will waver as the year that i found nothing dramatic, nothing grand, but everything slow and beautiful.   

you were an art piece, you were a dramatic nothing, a slow pause in life so i could catch my breath before diving into the cold waters of the unknown. 

thank you::goodbye.

And so all good things come to pass...

“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering 'it will be happier'...” 

-Tennyson

I highly doubt so, Mr. Tennyson.

This year has been an amazing one for me. 

I might even be bold enough to state it was my best year every.

2012, the year our world ended, was the year my world began, in sort. 

In Two Oh One Two, I met so many people, made so many new friends, and discovered so many new things in life.

~I turned Sixteen this year, and began singing "Sixteen Going on Seventeen" whenever the urge hit me.  I began my cautious and timid activity of driving on "the big roads" (AKA: any road with a speed limit above 10MPH).

~I began my friendship with Mirriam, Grace and Emma, Sky, Grace, (yes, two Grace's! I confuse my family. lol) and  Autumn.

~I started and Finished NaNoWriMo.

~The tea spitters formed.

~I got more involved in my writing, and began to look on it differently.

~I became a Marvel girl.

~I became a proud child of two worlds, (Trekkie/Warsie).

~I discovered Instagram, and met a few more cyber friends through there. 

~I was blessed to meet Rane, and Mir, and Ariel, and Lynx, and Eva, Jade and Beck, and everyone else whose name is writ with ink. (Mirriam....you may gloat that more than half of the characters are yours..)

~'Shiny' became more than an Adjective to me.

~I discovered, on a whole, loads of new fandoms, and grew in my already loved fandoms.

If I had to sum this year up in one word, I'd use 'Growth'.  

Growth

 [grohth] 

noun

the act or process, or a manner of growing; development; gradual increase.

 

 

 

This year, I learned so much about myself, and people around me.  My eyes have been opened to things I, in a childlike state, was blissfully unaware of.   I have learned to accept myself, in a way, I've never felt before.  I now no longer care that I'm weird, or that my voice cracks a little when I sing 'Phantom of the Opera', or that I have a illness with no cure. I even, *gasp!* talk about my bursitis to friends and on the internet! Last year, 2011 and the years previous, I was afraid to show my talents.  

I was like a hidden chest, tucked safely under the ground. No one could get me there, in my safe hole in the hard ground.  But, neither could I bless the world.  And then, rain fell on me, and the ground is slowly washing away.  

I'm not about to sing in front of total strangers, I'm not there yet,  but I finally sing in front of my family.  You have no idea how much of an improvement that is for me.  

I have opened up my writing to a select few, while as, previously, no one read it, and no one dare ask.  

And, I learned new talents, met similar friends, and on a whole, was blessed for the cracking upon of my secret self.

No longer am I half dead manikin going through life with the movements.

My heart has grown to feel more deeply than I could have felt before, and has began the shedding of that dark, hard, outer crust.

Am I done growing? Nope. I hope to keep on growing until the day I die, and hopefully, maybe, help people grow too.

I know some people are really big on the whole 'Resolutions' thing. I'm not.  In the beginning of 2012, I made loads, and finished none.   It makes you feel really crummy when you set these goals, and can't reach them. 

But, I'm going to make one, and just one, resolution.

Live.

I want to walk to the edge of the proverbial cliff, and jump. To let myself fall even though I'm afraid of heights.   To live life to the very fullest, and let nothing hold me back. Live to face my fears, and live life as if there is no tomorrow, for who knows? Maybe there isn't.

I might even sky dive for real even though I am, literally, afraid of heights. anything more than 2 stories, and I get woozy and panic.

I want to thank, again, each person who made this my growing year:

Mirriam: 

  You were the first real cyber friend I truly made.  I'm still shocked that an awesome person as yourself found little ol me interesting. You, my dear, were one of the main reasons I began to crack open and truly be me.  Its hard to not be yourself when your talking to a person with such vigor for life, and who accepts herself as much as you do.  Truly, you were the best role model I could have had. 

-The ASLF.,DWNJKL;DQCDNBS-er

Grace/Fallon:

You, you crazy you, have been awesome.  Even though I knew of you before (I think) 2012, this year I really got to know you.  You might say it's my fault for getting you into Star Trek, Doctor Who, and Sherlock, and I will gladly take every and any blame.   But, you also helped me into Fandoms, or, rekindle, fandom love.  Les Miserable? Your fault.  I really look forward to getting to know you even better, and meeting you. T'is a pity we live so close, and yet have YET to meet.  If I hadn't said I was going to make only one resolution, I would add driving down to you to my list. And than, of course, thanks to you, I know River Song and the Doctor, which is...awesome.  I love your parents, ok?

-The One To Blame

Dear Sky: 

Thank you thank you thank you.

For fangirling over Vice with me (and his babies...that sounded awkward...XD) and for creating Rane so I can fangirl over him and his adorafeelable sons.  Thank you for Beautiful People, and for helping me embrace my Bursitis. I don't really know, though I hope it is so, if Spilled has helped any one else, but it has me. It's made me realize I'm not just an invalid, I'm a fighter.  

-Ash-o-lee

To ALL the Tea Spitters:

Thanks to you girls, I'm sharing my writing.  And thanks to you girls, I have a whole new vocabulary, such as "Slogging through Acorn Butter" "Peic" "Concenfocustrate" and, of course, "Closing my Fingers".

If it wasn't for you crazy crazing girls, NaNoWriMo would have been a lot less fun.  The word wars, the adorafeelable excerpt sharing, and all around friendship of you awesome Author Lassies, I don't know if I could have closed my fingers on NaNoWriMo.

-Swonker

Dear Grace and Emma:

Meeting you girls was the highlight of this summer.  Talking books, and life, and music, and everything in between was just...awesome.  I know your mom commented on me running to meet your family like y'all were super stars, but, in reality, you truly deserved it.  You, Grace, are such a beautiful, uplifting, person.  A breath of fresh water to my soul.

Wait....that means I would be drowning....

I breath or fresh AIR to my soul.

And Emma, keep growing beautiful.  Your smile, your laugh, and your ever bounding joy is just...heartening.

-The Florida Girl

Autumn:

You keep up your Cia thing, and I'm going to be hopelessly stuck in star wars' EU.  You are awesome, K?  I'm really excited about your move, and I'm hoping, beyond all hopes, to get to meet you, offically, and fangirl, and play Video games, because thats who we are.  And, we'll probably talk end on end about how awesome Grace is too...

I really need to talk to you more, as you are super fun.

Gah. Another mini 2013 Resolution...I guess it can't hurt, hmm?

-Ashley Amidala

And to all 177 Followers:

Do you realize how much of a blessing you are to me?  You listen when I babble, and comment on my insanity.  I fully realize blogging isn't about the followers, but it sure makes the experience 100% better.  Especially when I have such beeeaaauuuttiiifffuuulll followers as your lovely selves.

-CheeryO Author.

In a few hours, 2012 will pass into history, and 2013 will begin.  I'm looking towards this new  year with bitter sweet emotions.  I can only hope Twenty Thirteen keeps to the incredible stream Twenty Twelve has. 

So, for the last time this year,

Cheerio me old cream crackers.

“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one”

-Brad Paisley