||Spilled||

I don't talk about it much on here, and I really don't have a true reason, other then, I honestly don't think about it much anymore.

But, a dear friend (Oh how much more she has gone through) sparked the inspiration to talk about my thorn.

I have Knee Bursitis.

Bursitis is a condition when the padding in your joints (Called Bursea) becomes inflamed. It's pretty painful at times. Thankfully, it isn't an all the time ache (Thank the Lord) but when it does, it can get pretty crippling.   I'm not going to go into much detail over it, except, that when you can't run, or be terribly active because otherwise, your knees feel like they are about to crumble, and make you fall, you feel....awkward.  It's no fun having to sit out at your brother's 5K races, and tell everyone "I don't like running" when, there is nothing you;d like more then being able to try at least once.  When all your friends try goading you into running on Thursday nights with them, and you can't, because you know all to well how your knees will put up with that, it hurts. 
I try not talking about it to much, because, the less I talk about it, the less I notice it. I might get my times when I seem to do nothing except complain about the pain (Thank the Lord for a Mum who listens to my sniveling) , but I'd rather not have to pain to complain about.

I also get phantom pains in my neck and back (We have no idea why. It just hurts bad enough to make me wish I was bedridden).  And I can't remember when I ever got a normal headache instead of a migraine.

My point is, I hurt a lot. I hurt and don't notice it. And, sometimes, the pain is comforting, sometimes I use it as a crutch.  'I can't exercise, If I put to much pressure on my knees, I might push them to hard, and end up sitting in a ball, clutching them and crying' I've thought. It's true, I have to be careful on how I deal with my knees, I need to be careful to only wear high heels when I HAVE to (Or, when I am prepared to be in serious pain during and afterward. Does anybody realize how BAD heeled shoes are for your knees?!?!) and I have to be careful not to over do it, but there is nothing keeping me from taking a brisk walk. A 5K, not so much, but a walk isn't going to kill me.

I've wondered about surgery for my knees, but my family changed our diet, and it helps. It hasn't cured, there is no cure, but it helps. I don't spend as many nights crying and wishing my legs could just be cut off.  And, I've learned how to deal with and block out most pain.  There have been some times, I've taken so many pain meds, I've scared my EMT Daddy, but I'm able to block most pain out.

Through it all, I've learned a couple things I never would have learned. One) I can deal with a lot more then I thought I could. I'm a wimp when it comes to pain. Always have been, probably always will. But, when I hurt the most, I always end up thinking, "It's not so bad. It could be worse" It's taught me to be a little bit tougher then I was before.  Two) It's taught me to sympathize. When you are in pain, nothing is more comforting then someone who has 'been there before'. Sure, comfort from anybody is welcome, but it always means more when someone knows how you feel, I can do that now. Even if I don't have it as bad as others.  And Three) It's taught me, strangely, that someone always has it worse then you. I don't know how, or why I've learned this, but it has. I've learned that I might hurt, but I never have it the worst. Even when I'm crying and complaining to you, I know this. It IS in fact possible to complain without meaning the complaints. XD

And, of course, it's taught me simple stuff, like, which Pain reliever my body excepts best, the best way to lay flat on your back, how much neck elevation will give me a killer neck ache come morning, which shoes are best on your knees, and other stuff like that.

Again, I don't have it as bad as others, I won't claim to have any great and terrible illness. I know how to sorta control mine, and it can be kept under wraps as long as I eat well, and don't put any strain on my knees (I don't know how to control my migraines and neck/back aches...but they don't hurt all the time anyway). But, each person has their own battle. Just because ours isn't as big as someone else's doesn't mean it still isn't our own battle and thorn.  We each have the weakness of body, and we each have the ability to kick that weakness' butt.

I might have Bursitis, but I won't let Bursitis have me.

Inspired by Sky Destrian and her new blog, 'Spill the Beans'. It's a network where Teens with chronic pain can connect and uplift each other. 

The Facebook // And Blog