twenty-two years of bloom

When you are younger, there are balloons. There are the days of wrapped presents decorating the side table in the living room and the staunch, "no snooping!" as a new one is left.
There are whole weeks of eagerness, of telling everyone, "Fourteen more days!" and counting down each one the moment your eyes open in the morning.
Planning your cake, making a wish list, and pretending to not overhear whispered secrets and plans.
When you are younger, your birthday is no less more important, but it is more....festive.

I turned twenty-two today.
It isn't a big deal, not like being sixteen, or twenty-one. There are no great societal landmarks being passed with this birthday, no permit I'm looking forward to obtaining. This birthday just is.
So, with the grand ages of being young and having new experiences being opened to me now past (whats the next goal? Turning 40-something so I can reach the age where I can legally run for president??), I think there is no better birthday to just exist than this one.

The day is still young, but I have already been up since 3 am. You see, when you are an adult, you don't get as much special treatment on your birthday as you did when you were a kid. As such, I still had work to do and I happened to be scheduled on a very, very early morning shift (5 am - 9 am), which really did test my limits of wakefulness for the majority of my shift.  I think I had two coworkers say "Good morning!" only to be initially ignored by me for thirty seconds until my brain fog allowed me to respond back.

A lot has changed since I first entered my twenties, and yet....nothing has really, truly changed.
When I turned 20, I was working for a newspaper as a community/front page reporter. It was a job I had gotten by chance...and I loved it. Since that birthday, I have moved, left my newspaper job for a daycare job (not by choice, but rather caused by the move), left the toxic environment of the daycare job for my current retail position, and now, within the next two weeks, I will again be employed by a newspaper, causing everything to come a full circle. 

Just, let me say, getting back into journalism was completely unforeseen and unexpected by me! It happened really by complete chance and, its a godsend. I cannot be more excited with how everything is turning back and I'm being allowed a second chance at a job I truly, deeply, am passionate about. Be prepared to hear a lot of posts regarding this topic in the future! 

I have developed a lot of new views, some that differ from my family, some that don't, and I have become more of myself. 

I have made new friends through coworkers, online connections and I have found my heart in a city I once wasn't certain of. I've explored in order to find little nooks in which to lose myself and tiny cafes in which I pen all my words.

I am two years into my twenties, I don't feel nearly as "grown up" as I thought I would have, but the truth is, I don't think I'd want to. I don't think I ever want to.

All of my life, I have been a flower looking for the sun, turning towards the light, and spreading deep and strong my roots.  Some years, the light has been scarce and the growth stunted. Looking back, some years have been more of withering years than growing years, but even that, in turn, has given me the strength to be hardier, stronger, and grow more resolved in future years.
Like a flower, I've bloomed, and I am still blooming.  To finish blooming, to reach the end, is not so much a goal or a journey, but an eventual process and time that I will eventually reach.

Until then, I'll bloom slowly. I'll find more about myself, I will reach up, towards the warm light, and spread my roots into the soil I am planted.

On the twenty-second year of my life, I propose to never be adult enough, to never finish blooming, not until my petals are complete and the light has been reached.

Photo by Lizzie on Unsplash

Spring Starts In January // 1.18 wrap up

In Florida, Spring does not start in the months following February. Rather, you can often see the beginnings of spring happening towards the end of January. 

Right now, in the second day of February, I'm sitting wearing no coat at an outdoor patio of my favorite cafe. A blooming (though, a bit lackluster) flowering plant right beside me, and I can hear seagulls whistle to each other, even though I'm nowhere near a coastline (in the cooler months when people no longer densely populate the beaches, seagulls tend to move inland in order to continue bumming food from people. Florida seagulls are lazy birds). 

I'm not overly fond of Florida. I don't care much at all for the heat, the humidity or the shortness of cool weather.  The hurricanes are troublesome, and we still, frequently get tornados too (did you know that a hurricane can actually spit out tornados along its storm edge? yeah, it can, and it's terrifying. Like, can't we just, have one and not have to worry about the other at the same time??)

But there is something fond about our early, bumbling spring. It doesn't come all at once. We'll continue getting cold snaps for a few months still, and planting anything that is not extremely cold hardy isn't usually recommended. But in January, you start to see peaks of blooming greens and pinks return after December made everything brown and brittle. 

The New Year opens for us, and the greenness of new life starts returning all at the same time...it's almost magical. 

January Third:

It snowed! It actually snowed in Florida (not all of it). While not everyone got to witness the incredible and unprecedented act of fluffy white stuff coming down, I was able to spot a couple minutes of pretty intense flurries before heading in for work (and caught it on video so I could flaunt it at my friends who, while they only lived an hour or so to the west, didn't get to see any Florida Snow at all). It was quite literally the sole conversation for everyone I interacted with that day, and I heard from a good many people who said that it had actually settled up to an inch on the ground before noon (when the sun climbed high enough and everything melted in true Florida fashion). 

Books Bought: 

I did not finish any books in January (someone, please, I need a shame squad if I don't finish at least one in February). 

However, I did add The Language of Thorns by Leigh Bardugo and The Princess Saves Herself In This One by Amanda Lovelace to my collection via winning them in a giveaway (do giveaways count? I didn't buy them so I don't think it counts) and I bought The Perfect Nanny by Leila Silmani. 

Honestly, I'm probably going to finish The Perfect Nanny within the next few days, as it has me entirely spellbound. I bought it not at all aware that it was a murder mystery.  When I was younger, I devoured murder novels (Agatha Christy was MY GIRL) but I've gotten out of the genre because either I know too soon who'dun'it, or I don't know at all and the author made me purposefully feel like a fool by making it go unnoticed and I just don't like the feeling of realizing the author didn't want me to be able to figure it out on my own.

However, The Perfect Nanny tells you who the murderer is; right from the first page, it is completely obvious who brought the death about.

The mystery comes in you trying to figure out why. It's a delicious dive into hidden ques, the subconscious and the stress between employer and employee. 

I Bought A Snake:

You heard it right, folks! 

I completed my transition into being totally and completely Slytherin by adding a scaley-baby to my pet list. 

He (I don't actually know, 100% that he is a he. I could figure out how to sex him myself, but the act requires essentially a lot of sticking my fingers into places most animals do not like having fingers stuck, and as I don't ever plan to do any breeding, I don't think it's very important. So I'm calling him a he and hoping I haven't caused the poor snake any offense) is a one and a half foot Ball Python named Monty.  Actually, Monty "Pep" Python. Because I think I'm hilarious (and the "Pep" comes from my friends. Who insisted I should name him Pepto Abysmal and when I refused, they refused to acknowledge my refusal so...Pep. Pep happened).  He is actually my first snake, although my brothers used to have a massive Corn Snake named Corn Pops (omg we are the cheesiest).  I didn't realize just how complex Ball Pythons are. I, naturally did a ton of research and reading, so I know my stuff, but it never really prepares you for how bratty and reclusive your Ball Python is actually going to be.  I bought him a hiding rock, and basically, he refuses to ever leave it without giving me an attitude. Also, he sleeps, a lot. Like, he can honestly go three days without ever leaving his rock and still acts grumpy when I wake him up. 

Ball Pythons are also surprisingly gentle, though. After getting over his "I've been woken up and I'm not pleased" grumps, Monty is as docile as a lamb. He lets my younger siblings pet his head, hold him, and he has never seemed stressed out by multiple little hands. 10/10 would recommend if anyone wants to start with a snake that is a brat but a good brat. 

Coffee and Writing:

My primary New Years resolution was to rejuvenate my interests. It had been awhile since I had honestly written in my novels (and didn't feel like I was forcing myself into it), even longer since I had written any letters and almost 500 years since I had journaled my life in my private journals.  All of those things are vastly important to me and since I hadn't done them, willingly, for so long, I was beginning to feel like a shell of myself. So I pledged to do all of them more, even if it meant breaking my usual rut and purposefully setting aside time for those things. 

So, I've been frequenting my favorite coffee shop in order to get in the mood and mindset of writing. It's getting so bad, that the other day, I ordered a Coconut Latte instead of my usual Cinnamon-Cinnamon Latte (Cinnamon syrup and cinnamon powder sprinkled on top of the foam) that the barista looked at me funny and asked if I was sure. "That's not your usual," she mentioned, skeptically, "I know...I just kinda thought I'd change it up, keep ya'll on your toes," I said, sheepishly. "Fair enough!" She chirped right back. 

You know you go places a lot when the workers not only have your face memorized but your usual order too. 

It has been working, though. I'm nowhere near groundbreaking on the writing front, yet, but I've written three letters, two chapters and multiple pages inside my journal, which is so much more than I had been putting out and I'm pleased with that. 

First Bar:

Disclaimer: I am 21. I've been 21 for almost a year now, and I drink. Not obsessively, or anything, but I do love a good fruity cocktail or a bubbly beer. 

I have never, however, been to an actual legit bar. 

That changed this month. It's a long story how I ended up there, but basically, me and my parents were going to a trivia night (The Office trivia night. I was so ready) at another bar, only to find out that the place was packed. Like, there was no standing room. It was insane. So, we chose to leave, but rather than waste our night out (we were all dressed up, after all), we decided to visit another close by bar/lounge that was smaller and less populated. 

BEst. DECISION. EVER. 

The place, called The Fox and The Stag, was cozy, private and perfectly aesthetic. It breathed a sort of Lord of the Rings charm and had an amazing selection of on tap beers (as well as a cocktail called The Sly Fox, which is what I got, that was full of blackberry taste and absinthe).  It might seem odd to have your first bar be introduced to you by your parents, but we actually had a blast together and I would definitely do it again. 

There were lots of smaller, less magnificent events that happened during January, most of them work or family related (that takes, like, 75% of my time), and not all of them were good.  I was plenty stressed, plenty frustrated and not everything is bubbly and cheery. But all in all, January was a great month for starting off 2018, and I'm looking forward to February.

What about you? Did you do anything interesting in January? Experience anything new? Read new books? I'd love to hear about it! Leave a comment telling me about it, or if you did a wrap-up post, let me know and I'll definitely pop on over to read it!

First Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

God help the girl // this year

in many ways, for many of us (most of us), 2016 has been a downright awful year. 

i agree. 

this has been a hard year to blog through; recording it would probably have been important, but in many ways, getting through each day was my priority.

within this last year, i lost a grandmother that i hadn't known until months before her death. it shouldn't have been as grievous as it was, except that within the few months that i got to know her, i also was allowed to finally bond.

i watched my brother go from being in a happy and blissful courtship with a girl that my family positively adored, to watching our families break and the bond between both the couple and our families shatter.  it was sad. it felt avoidable. but it happened.

celebrities have died. a dear family member is quite likely dying. acquaintances have died. i had to leave a job i loved and thrived in. and oh, by the way, of my childhood group of friends, can you guess who is the last to be neither married nor engaged? if you guessed me, bingo.

but you know, this whole year hasn't been awful. sure, there were awful bits, but there were downright good parts too.

i :: i thrived in my skin. early this year (or late last year) i had made a post about accepting myself. the funny thing is, even when you accept who you are, there is always so much more you can find to love within yourself. i learned who i am, and learned that i can be so much more. then i became more.

ii :: i mentioned the job that i loved, but it was so much more.  it stretched me, and made me stop testing foreign waters with only my toes. it taught me that i would never do anything if i didn't cannonball dive into it. also i learned how to hold an adult-ish phone conversation without totally displaying an error message. i loved my coworkers, and still dearly miss them. but i am glad, so very glad, that i got to know them.

iii :: i came to my knees and submitted. it truly was a 'cold and broken hallelujah.' oh how glorious it was to kneel and sob and reach out and have heavenly hands grab you. i used to have a lot of worries and uncertainties. no more.

iiii :: i found home in a small southern town. i've never truly felt like i belonged in a place until this place. i have a wandering soul, but if it ever needs a place to roost here in the south, that is where it will be.

iiiii :: my grandmother. i hadn't seen her since i was....five, or younger. we had no bond and no relationship. but then she got sick, and i am forever grateful that in her time of need, we were able to show her the forgiveness we ourselves had been given. i am thankful that even while my time with her was short (and rocky at first -- forgiving is easy. forgetting and trusting? not so much), it was a good time. i learned that we shared interests, and having her in our lives brought other distanced family members into our life as well. in the end, her death reunited a separated family.

so while this year had blights, it had many positive elements as well, and for those, i am thankful.
but it was packed, it was full of sadness and happiness; of rush and exhausted tranquility. 
i meant to get back into blogging during 2016, but i think i picked the worst possible year to return myself to this sphere.
so, this is me, trying to restart (again).

i miss blogging, i miss having a place to pen out my thoughts, and i miss my audience. i want to return.

if all goes well, i would like to have a new post once a week. at least. this will take some work at the start, as i am rusty and out of practice. (encouragement is much appreciated...lol).
but i want to do this. i think i am ready to do this. further, i am desperately excited to do this.
so, lets do this thing.

i will see all of you in 2017; aka: the year we all hope is better than the last.

( explaining the title: God Help The Girl, by Belle and Sebastian, has been my sort of go-to song throughout 2016, especially the first set of verses: 

 "There is no way I'm looking for a boyfriend
There is no way I'm looking for a scene
I need to save some dough
I'm a working girl, you know
I'll fend attention off; I keep to myself"

so, it felt appropriate to make the title thus. )

 all photos taken from here.

so ends that day

 on my playlist: 

the call :: regina spektor 

the last goodbye :: billy boyd

alice's theme :: danny elfman

the show :: lenka

runnin :: adam lambert

i see fire :: ed sheeran

underground :: david bowie 

it may be too soon to be looking back on 2014 (seeing as its only just 2015 yet), but all the same, i think its fitting to begin the year with retrospect.

often, i like to put a word to each year. some of my years are of growth, some are of pain, some have been shattering like something fragile dropped, and some have been of healing.
but i think, 2014 has been a year of hatching.
i have found my footing in ways that i didn't know i was unstable on.
i have found insecurities and awakened to my own inner beauty
i have found out about the world beyond my nest

in no way am i fully ventured out, but the awakening is there. i would like to think, in 2014, i hatched and perhaps, in 2015, i will fly. 

things done in 2014 that had never been done before: 

turned 18  

i ventured from home to work as a nanny for a few months.

i visited an out of state friend for a weekend (and it was amazing)

i graduated (but i still feel far from finished with learning)

i looked at the person in the mirror and realized she isnt such an ugly duckling after all

i sang before people. sure my hands trembled and my voice stumbled. but i did it.

i took an art class and found myself in ink and art

touched a harp (shhh im now that much closer to playing one)

 was mary in a live nativity scene (haha i had jeans on under my robe)

volunteered on a regular basis

embraced the things that make me different because what fun is a black and white world? i would rather be the splash of color that stand apart, even if that means i am not the same person as i would have liked to have been. 

in many ways, this year has been quiet. it has been that place where everything stills before things begin.  my life has seen changes and movement, but all the same, i want to believe that 2015 will be the year where things begin, where, as i said, my wings develop and i take new challenges to the sky, reaching a new level of life.

i dont 'do' new years resolutions, but i do have a list of things i would like to see myself achieve. small, trinkety personal goals. nothing great or life changing.

• i would like to see myself get back into reviewing books.  i actually really miss doing that (and getting free books...)
• i would like to wear more heels. it may be a trivial object, but when you are standing there, two inches underneath your heels, you, or maybe just me, suddenly feel as if you could take on the world, and no one can look down on you, because you are the queen. heels just give me self confidence, and as a self confessed wall flower, that can be a powerful feeling. 
• actually finish a book. this goes without saying why.
• write more letters (who would like to join me?)
• read more books
• do more things
• eat more cheesecake

so here is to a new year, full of new, unwritten stories, new people and new thoughts.
heres to new struggles, new things to cry over and laugh over, new opportunities,  new ways to stretch wings, and new reasons to smile.

i can only really wish one thing
that this year can only bring happiness, whether goals are achieved or not.

s p i r i t

So, if you know me even the smallest bit, you might have possibly picked up on my complete disregard for all things sportery. that is a word. i made it. I've lived in the south my whole life, and I don't know about anywhere else, but here in the south, football season is worshiped and adored and lord forbid if you don't have a team that you root for, even if that team is just that small town, high school team that your cousin plays on.
I have no such team that I've ever cared to root for.
even Tim Tebow didn't rouse me from my passionate dislike for sports*.
And I made this unspoken pledge to never become involved in any sports mishmash and keep myself from ever knowing that sort of thing.
It was a lack of interest that pushed very very harshly on the edge of insanity.

Well, something has moved me.
No, I'm not attending any football games this fall (I still hate football. I don't see the point. isn't it just wrestling with a ball involved?)
I still find Tennis a bit of a bore, and Golf is only useful as a great stress reliever (yeah don't let me hit golf balls. I don't aim but I sure hit hard). Basketball is noisy and sweaty and track running....is great training for the zombie apocalypse?

but recently, my younger sister became involved with a small soccer team and has thrown herself in whole heartedly into practice and playing, and, well, how could I possibly dare to miss any of her games?
(her team, by the way, has a higher win ratio than lose which makes my big sister heart very very proud indeed).
I must admit, getting up early and swaddling in a jacket to watch her games in the chilly morning hours is actually rather enjoyable.  theres a sense of community, that I've never felt before, even during my volunteer work.  So, maybe thats the allure to being a sports fan?

At any rate, I would like to say that I am still a far fetched distance from ever feeling one with the sporting world. its just not my thing. but at least I don't find it completely unbearable now, aye?

*all sports excluding those that involve a horse or archery.

May more posts be awaiting on the near horizon. I've been such a bad blogger. 

blurre

the world is blurry to me. 

wait. let me back up. 

my puppy ate my glasses. 

perhaps I need to back up more. 

I am the happy (¿ is that an adjective I can use at the moment?) owner of a large pawed, 5 month old canine that's a ragtag mix of Dalmation, Black Lab, and Mastiff.  at only five months, Galileo (as he is named, though we've dubbed him 'Leo') is beginning to tower over my three year old Jack Russell, Ella, and is undoubtably going to over take our blond muttsie, Little Ann, in a short countdown of endless growth. 

He's all legs and clumsiness, tripping over air, and falling over when there is nothing to fall over. 

He didn't need to be taught how to play fetch (a game I could not get Ella to understand), and is unnervingly smart. Sometimes I think he's smarter than I am. 

teaching him commands has been a pure breeze. 

also, he chews. 

Nobody saw fit to bewarn me of the chewing habits of labs, and so while Leo may have the lanky body of a Dalmation, I think he's more lab than not. 

A list of things we've lost to his chewing habit:

•shoes 

•a potted plant 

•toys 

•knee pads to roller skates 

•towels

•chair cushions 

•collars for the other two dogs 

•a leash 

and I think the only reason we haven't sacrificed more to his teething gums is that I put him outside until he fully understands that carpet and grass are not equal in the game of toiletry. 

but, as I hinted above, it didn't help with all chewing, because, adding to that list, we've also lost 

•Ashley's spectacles 

thankfully I'm not entirely blind as a bat, but I'll admit, the world is a fair shade of blur at the present, and I'm having to hold things remarkably close to my face in order to see clearer, and driving...

seeing how my ability to judge long range distance is greatly off, I think my driving is probably illegal at the moment. 

we set up our pool this month, and I had jumped in, setting my nearly folded black glasses in a nearby fold out chair's mesh cup holder. 

You just don't expect to have your glasses stolen out of those sort of things while in your own backyard. 

after climbing out, I had settled into the chair to watch my younger sisters and cousin swim, acting  as a sort of life guard, and reached for my glasses, to find them on the ground. 

thinking nothing about it, and my eyes still being blurry, I put them back in the cup holder until I dried off more. 

and when I reached the second time, brought them to my face, it was then that all became clear (ha. pun intended). 

horribly chewed, one glass popped out and gone to I know not where, the other glass smudged, and scratched beyond rarest hope, and entirely worthless. 

Also, a black, lanky pup no where to be found. 

I handled it well. 

I did take his ball away and refused to play fetch when his great big brown eyes begged. But I think that's only fair. She got away with only having his nose rubbed into the glasses and being growled at with a fierce insistence that this was a very bad thing to do. 

but now, I'm left blurry until new glasses can be sent for. 

Everything within three feet is clear, but you step out of that and it looks all very unclear indeed. 

despite my vision deficiency at this time, I've read two books in two days. 

I wouldn't say being partially blind is the cause, but I wasn't reading very well before I went full out blurre mode. 

just saying. 

now, if you shall excuse me, I have tea that just finished steeping, and the last 100 pages of Wither to finish. 

So sweetie let me repeat… I’m the Mad Hatter.

So Mirriam did a makeup thing because Katie did a makeup thing because Jenny did a makeup thing. 

I praised Mirriam's makeup thing and Mirriam told me to do the same makeup thing. 

well I attempted to. 

halfway through, (ok. thirty seconds in) I had gotten way off course and was drawing a harlequin pattern around my eye, a red heart on my left cheekbone (not pictured) and outrageously glossy red lipstick. 

I think my makeup thing, while not the look I was supposed to have gone for turned out well enough and it's enlightened me to the fact that I really want a Miss Hatter cosplay.  I want to go for a playfully mad look, while still hinting at just a bit of dangerous, because Wonderland isn't a very safe place, to survive there you must be utterly mad, and very threatening. 

A whole 'poisoned tea and dainty laughs of frightening natures' sort of mix up. 

What can I say, I get a kick out of a mentally unstable Wonderland crew. 

I guess it's normal, when doing a makeup thing, to discuss products and procedures. 

but I am a mad moron and don't know what I used (and probably used it improperly anyway). 

Basically, I took this concealer and powdery stuff, ya know the basics, and used them as directed. And then I took a bunch of blush and hoped I didn't look like a Victorian streetwalker. 

then I found this brown makeup face paint stuff in the bottom of my mum's makeup bag and made a triangle over my right eye with it. that was hard, and I think my triangle is still lopsided. 

But it was brown, and I didn't want a dull, non shimmery brown, so I took this soft green, glittery powder that I won from a giveaway and never figured out how to use and put it on the slight sticky brown triangle. 

it stuck. 

and looked maddeningly fab. 

I added a lip liner heart (I told you I used stuff wrong) and then added bold red lipstick with a shiny red lip gloss over it because the matte lipstick was not working with the glittery blue triangle. 

then I shook my hair out (it was in a floppy bun during this whole procedure), grabbed my hat from the top shelf and grinned like a hatter. 

and then I took pictures (with my phone, hence the blur). 

and that's it. 

(Note To Jenny: I'm sorry. Mirri told me to do Plenilune and I did Wonderland)

(Note To Mirriam: how can I blame this on you?) 

this is actually the first time I've actually played around like this with makeup gloob, but my interest has been peaked. I'm going to have to balance my book funds with makeup funds now. 

because crazy colors for crazy projects must be a good idea. 

tide thou over

Whenever will I stop apologizing for tardy blogging habits?

I have actually had a whole lot of fun happening in my life lately, and I just...I need to blog about it, but I don't know how to blog about it.

I'm better at blogging when theres nothing in the world for me to do but blog, so it seems.


In any case, while I am procrastinating downloading the 300+ pictures (I promise to not post them all) from Mo, summoning words (and energy) for a post, have this loverly tag that I was tagged in, shall we continue?

From The Friendly Gar, I have been alotted the Sunshine Award and the coinciding tag.  She has given me a few questions I must answer.
lets pretend its an important interview.

1. What are your top five favorite books?

aigo you had to ask this.  My Top Five of everything changes quite frequently from time to time with moods and current stuffs in my life, but right now, I'm going to say my top five favorite reads are Chalice by Robin McKinley (this one is a constant. I've never not included this book on a favorites list), The Kneebone boy by Ellen Potter (we now have a black and white cat named Otto after the book Otto. this book is perfection with a cherry on top), Hang A Thousand Trees with Ribbon by Ann Rinaldi (I really don't know how or why I love this book so much.  but, it had a great help in my novel 'Sails of Blood', despite Rinaldi's book not being about pirates, or revenge, or Sails not being about poets or impossible love).  To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee (I laughed, I cried, it hurt I loved it.  Boo found a place in my heart that few others share). and Phantom Of The Opera by Gaston Leroux (we all know my phantom obsession).

2. What style do you enjoy writing in the most?
Style? I can't say I have a style I actively enjoy and try for.  I just know I like to hurt people with my characters.  So...painful?

3. Whose writing do you admire the most?
Robin McKinley's. I love that woman and her writing.  It's so frank, and beautiful and artistic and you just get lost in the words.  They swallow you up and whisk you away to wherever you need to be. Really, any adjective I use to describe her writing just falls so flat because the way she writes is out of this world.

4. What is the thing that prevents you most from writing?
being a lazy turd.  That and, sometimes I just cannot get to the computer.  But, on a whole, its pinterest or tumblr stalking or show watching or music video browsing or just sitting there staring at a blank screen that gets me.
I enjoy writing.
But its not like I enjoy eating ice cream, because I could eat ice cream and never be distracted.

5. What is your favorite WIP?   (Yes, I did that question just to be evil.)
I, unashamedly, have favorites.  Right now, I'm going to say The 100 Year Queen is my favorite wip, but thats only because, ha ha darling I only have two works in progress and the second is only like, four paragraphs and a sentence.

6. What is your nickname?
Addy. Ashes. Evil and Beautiful Ruler of The Underworld. (whaaat? its still a nickname even if only you call yourself by it)

7. How many siblings do you have?
I have 10 little minions. 9 present, 1 already home. :)

8. If you could visit anywhere, where would you visit?
you know what you little snot. why did you have to ask that.
My first thought was, "oooh London", but it was followed up quickly by "Tokyo, honey the lights!" but then "Seoul. Seoul and shopping and street food" but then "Paris. catacombs and dead people" and then "Ireland, you want to track down your irish roots, eh?" and now I'm just a humming botherment of places I need want to visit.
So I'm going to say, the world.
I want to visit the world.

9. How many writing blogs do you follow?
I follow a lot of blogs from bloggers who write, but the only actual writing blog that I follow is Go Teen Writers and its my favorite place on the internet earth.

10.  If you had to choose between Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston, who would you pick?
hands down, Tom Hiddleston.
Benny would be nice, but spending a day with Hiddles is higher on my list.
Loki
Shakespeare
Loki
Tea
Loki
his laugh
Loki
Loki
Loki
Loki
aaaaaaaaand, Loki.


Oh, now that was fun.  I'm going to be the snot now, and not tag people because I'm actually afraid of tagging people who don't want to be tagged.

moving forward!

I am now stealing a post from Abby (sorry, dearie. I'll put in a good Taj scene somewhere to make it up. but, you stole it too, so maybe I wont). It's about books, how could I not be a light handed thief?

1.  Your favourite book as a child? Define 'child'.   -7, I loved Dr. Seuss books with a passion, I still do, actually.  And then, growing more, I moved into Dear Americas, and devoured any put before me. 

2.  What are you reading right now? A butt load of books.  Seriously, I need to get better on finishing before starting. Some of what I'm reading is Cinder (Marissa Meyer), The Raven Boys (Maggie Stiefvater), Captives (Jill Williamson), The False Prince (Jennifer Neilson) and The Dancing Master (Julie Klassan).

3.  What books do you have on request at the library? zip. my librarians don't know how to reserve books. I know right.

5.  What do you currently have checked out from your library? the aforementioned Cinder and The Raven Boys.  I only got two this time, due to the fact of having a trillion books at home, and some of them review books.

6.  Do you have an e-reader? well, eh, kinda... I have the kindle and nook app on my iphone, and I use that. Its really great for getting review books, or even free books, but I prefer physical, paper scented copies.

7.  Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or do you tend to read several at once? *looks hard at you*

8.  Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? Nope. Or, well, if they have, then I cannot remember since I've been blogging for so long. 

I know since getting an iphone, my reading has actually slacked since a whole new world of distractions (flappy bird. flappy bird. flappy bird. that stupid game) was opened up to me, and I'm working on improving that causality. 

9.  What was your least favourite book this year? There are actually very few books I actually dislike, but I'm going to say 'The White Queen' by whoever wrote it. It's a tv show now. wasn't my favorite. returned it to the library after only 7 chapters.

10.  What was your FAVOURITE book this year? That is a singular question and I don't want to answer. I like plural questions. (The Kneebone Boy probably wins though)

11.  How often do you read out of your comfort zone? Quite frequently actually.  I really don't mind any genre except you know...the unspeakable genre that Fifty Shades falls into.  But, I don't do a lot of Christian Romance reading because, no offense, I've found so very few that are actually interesting.  But, I'm reading the Dancing Master (and enjoy it, can I have a gasp of shock people?) and about once a month, I try a new one just to see if the water is wine yet.

12.  What is your reading comfort zone?  books. 

13.  Can you read in the car?  I can. and, not only can I, but its preferable.  Over the years, my eyes have grown so used to reading in a vehicle, if I'm riding and not reading, I will get car sick. 

 

14.  Where is your favourite place to read? I have a cozy corner in my room where no one can see me unless they stand 2 feet away from the entrance.  It's perfect and I keep my cozy blanket there. 

15.  What is your policy on book-lending? That book is my child. If you would never injure my child, then do not injure my book child. 

Also, no kidnapping. 

returning the child back to me is nice. 

16.  Do you ever dog-ear in books?  those who do should repent of their actions.

17.  Do you ever write in the margins of your books? So should the people who do this.

18.  What about text books? still no.  I was the child who could finish a whole school book, and not have any markings on it because I took pride in keeping it spotless and flawless.

19.  What is your favourite language to read in? English.  I can't really understand what I'm reading in any other.

20.  What makes you love a book? You know what? I don't actually know. There are just some books that click with me deep down, and make me excited, and make me want to cuddle the characters.  It can have sucky plot, poorly constructed characters, and a truly terrible cover, but if that unknown something clicks, it doesn't matter. I love it.

21.  What would inspire you to recommend a book? The books I recommend to The Friendly Gar aren't always the same books I recommended to Mirriam.   So, I guess, If I read a book, and see a glimmer of something a certain other person would like, I would recommend it. Also if I adore the author or spent a whole night fangirling over the book, its going to get shoved into everyone's faces.

22.  What is your favourite genre? Books. I feel like I've said this before.

23.  What is a genre you rarely read but wish that you did? Science Fiction. It's so hard to find sci-fi novels that arent fanfictions and aren't fanfictions in disguise.

24.  Favourite biography? i read less biographies than I do science fiction, but I really enjoyed Unsinkable by Abby Sunderland. it's an autobiography though. does that count?

25.  Have you ever read a self-help book? My mom keeps buying them and I keep not reading them.

26.  Favourite cookbook? If I have something in particular I want to cook, I will read that one recipe. But I've never gone, "Oh! what a wonderful book to read in bed!" over a cookbook.

27.  What is the most inspirational book you have read this year? Gods At War by Kyle Idleman. there was some powerful stuff in that book.  (also, all of Robin McKinley's books get me inspired to write, but I don't think thats what this question was meaning).

28.  Favourite reading snack? Tea and chocolate. or skittles. or anything fruit flavored without any fruit in it.

29.  Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience. I have yet to read the Divergent of Percy Jackson series due to the hype, even though I'm 100% certain I would love Percy Jackson because hello greek myths are kinda my thing.

30.  How often do you agree with critics about a book? I don't listen to book critics so I don't know if I agree or disagree with their opinions.  (unless its those 'back of the book critics on award winning novels and then I normally make sarcastic remarks inside my head about their critic that sounds more like its garnishing favor from the author instead of actually meaning what they say).

31.  How do you feel about giving negative reviews? It scares me.  But, the few reviews I've done that are 1-2 stars, I try to be sure to point out at least 3 three thats I liked. And since I rarely have a book I actually dislike, its a fairly easy thing to do.

32.  If you could read a foreign language, which would you choose? All the languages. please don't make me pick.  but, japanese would be a first choice, quickly followed by korean.  I'm not counting languages that use a Germanic alphabet since, reading isnt the issue. speaking is. 

33.  What was the most intimidating book you've ever read?  War and Peace. I haven't actually read it, since my mom wants to time me and see how quickly I can flash through it.  It wouldn't be intimidating if it wasn't for that.

34.  What is the most intimidating book you're too nervous to begin? oh wait. I put in the wrong answer at the wrong place. silly me. read #33.

35.  Who is your favourite poet? Neil Gaimen actually.  I know he is a novelist, but wow his poetry. 

 

36.  On average, how many books do you have checked out of the library at any given time? Seven. generally. Seven is the most I can check out and I like to touch the limit.

37.  How often do you return books to the library unread? aigo yes. too frequently. I can remember the first book I returned unread. It hurt.

38.  Who are your favourite fictional characters?  Oh hello plural question. 

Erik, from Phantom of the Opera.  He held my soul. 

Otto from The Kneebone boy because cutie. 

Magwitch from Great Expectations.  I loved him until he died and loved him still.  I actually think his death was the first fictional death I cried over. 

Tomo from Ink. He belongs to me. 

Sherlock Holmes. if Magwitch was the first death I cried over, Holmes was my first fictional crush. 

The Master from Chalice.  a man who is fire and can burn a person merely by touching them. I think thats hot. 

Corlath and Harry from The Blue Sword. because one without the other just isn't the same. 

Artemis Fowl and Butler. same as above. 

Sir Percy from The Scarlet Pimpernel. its no joke how I loved that book.  

and Thranduil my party king.  (also lots of other LOTR characters, but we will just stick with Thranduil for now).

and pretty much every single one of the badgers from Brian Jacques's Redwall series.

39.  Who is your favourite fictional villain? Moriarty, Sauron (am I the only one who thinks his voice is lovely. so growly. rawr), and Dracula.

40.  What are the books you are most likely to take on vacation? Whatever I am currently reading, of course.

41.  What is the longest you have gone without reading? Oh I read every single day, as to whether I am reading books, however, is another topic for another discussion that will be mingled with plenty of "Ashley how dare you go that long"s.

42.  Name a book that you could not or would not finish. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith.  perhaps I was to young to be given the book, (no. I was to young. there were some things that shocked a 12 yo), but I could never finish it, and its left a soured taste in my mouth that will keep me from trying again now that I'm older.

43.  What distracts you easily when you're reading? I was going to write my own thing, but Abby says it perfectly so I shall quote her,  

 

"Is that a crack in the wall? I wonder if it leads to another dimension. Lee Pace has very nice cheekbones. Do you remember that terrible thing you did when you were eight that caused mass embarrassment and ruined lives and probably killed small children? Yeah. Well. Now you do. You haven't practiced guitar in almost three weeks; you should probably do that now. Maybe The Doctor's name really is John Smith. You're hungry now, aren't you.  Also, you have to go to the washroom. Five times. You could also very much use a seventh cup of tea.  Thank you for the commentary, Loki, it's not at all distracting. Remember when you tried to do that thing and failed miserably? Whoops, about thirteen eyelashes just fell into your eyes and are now currently causing you intense pain as they float under your contacts. This is the story of how I died.  I wonder if that cute guy liked you or was just cute without trying. What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

44.  What is your favourite film adaptation of a novel?  oooh close tie between all the Lord of The Rings movies, and Pride and Prejudice.  but, Catching Fire is also really good, and I still need to watch The Book Thief, because !favorite!book!, but I'm afriad of how harshly I'm going to judge the movie.....and...

I got side tracked.

45.  What is the most disappointing film adaptation? um. hm. well....not many movies are made from books I love. sorry.

46.  What is the most money you have spent in a bookstore at one go? roughly $30 because it was my first paycheck and I decided I wanted books despite still having unread books. 

 

47.  How often do you skim a book before reading it?  yep. oh. always.

48.  What would cause you to stop reading a book halfway through? boredom will get me.

49.  Do you like to keep your books organized? yes, I organize them once a week because someone (*casts heated glares at sister*) does not understand my organization and shoves them anywhere they fit on my shelf.

50.  Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you're done with them? I keep them unless I dislike them in which case they get huffled off to someone who will like them. 

 

51.  Are there any books you've been avoiding? Divergent and The Percy Jackson series because everyone loves them and I'm a bit of a book hipster. Everybody has read them, and excuse me if I don't want to be everybody.

52.  Name a book that made you angry. Phantom of The Opera. in a good way. I'm still angry. ask me about my Phantom anger.

53.  A book you didn't expect to like, but did? The Dancing Master by Julie Klassan. "oh, its just a generic christian romance fiction" said I. "Oh, but it is more" said I now.

54.  How about a book you expected to like, but didn't? Fragile Things by Neil Gaimen. I didn't actually not like it, as much I was just...weirded out half the time.  half the time it was brilliant and I loved the other half I was blinking in confusion over what was he even thinking.

55.  Favourite guilt-free pleasure reading? Chalice by Robin McKinley.  that book is my soul tea. I just read it whenever I feel sad, touch its pages, breath its smell, cry over The Master. you know. the deep stuff. 

so yeah. 

I need to get better with reading more frequently. 

it's kinda an important issue.

the sum of february

things restless fingers do

When writer's block strikes, when words get stopped up and the inspiration runs but the muse takes a trip, there are articles and letters and posts and vlogs dedicated to telling you what to do.

It's simple, it's easy, it's a breath of fresh air. 

so naturally I don't comply. 

here is a list of things I do when I get saddled with writer's block; a list of things which only serve to undoubtably complicate matters.  

• sit poorly in furniture • 

under normal circumstances, I sit very nicely in chairs and sofas. I'm a good child who never lifts soled feet to cushions. If I curl up, I make sure I do so in socks and do so the right way (because their are right and wrong ways to curl up). 

but, at this moment, my booted feet are slung over the back of my dad's comfy couch as I sit in a general upside down direction. 

my parents would raise Cain. 

I swear, I only do thus when devoid of my writer soul. 

• listen to music I generally dislike • 

can someone explain to me why 1D and Carly Rae Jepson has been on endless streaming on my pandora? 

• foolishly continue • 

they always say to get away and take a break from the computer and your writing. 

but I'm not going to do that. 

nope nope 

nope. 

I'm going to sit there for hours, write a single sentence 126 times over, and sob harder each time, but I will not get up until at least a paragraph has been crafted. 

• start new writing projects • 

Just because I cannot handle my current ones should mean I need to put a stop light on the whole thing, right?

So, I'm going to start at least two more projects, and then sob more when they flop while still in chapter one. 

which leads me to

• vow to quit and take up crochet • 

I am apparently not cut out for this hobby. I've failed, and I am a shame to the title of writer and author. I should just quit before I get any deeper into it, and just give up. 

And I'll probably cry on my bed for a good couple of minutes, and then I'll resolve the ridiculousness of that, and then I'll be back in figurative tears an hour or so later. 

And, along with too much lounging and whining and food eating, there you having it.  what I do when my inspiration and Muse decided Honolulu looked good for the week.

e.t.a: my muse returned early this morning. i finished a chapter and started the next. it was nice. 

two days of the before

 

in two whole shining days, i will join the league of mostly adults. 

it has me mostly positively terrified. 

in less than 48 hours, i will no longer be a child, i can legally run away and elope (ok, well...if i wanted to. which i don't). i will have the power to help the community decide who we will be minions of (i can vote),  i wont be able to sing '16 going on 17' the same way, because i will be older than even rolf.
my parents have also declared that after the age of 18, there will be no more birthday parties unless i pay and arrange them.

this is the two days before i say goodbye to 17, and totally unprepared am i, timid and shy and scared am i.

you would think i would be spending these two days preparing for adulthood (even though i am 100004589% sure that im not going to actually be an adult until i am aged 152 exactly, and even then it is debatable, because i may just be a late bloomer and become an adult at 200).  but i am not.
i think i have taken up a ostrich's view, if i don't think about it, then it wont happen. 

growing up is not something i am ready to accept. 

i'm not doing much in the way of readying myself for the end of a child's journey and the beginning of a young woman's.  
and that, my dears, is how it comes to be two full days before my birthday before i fully realized, "oh, i get presents soon" (that was humor, my actual thought was, "hot diggity, is today the 9th already?").

my parents plan to give me a final birthday party on the 15th, since on the 11th, my actual birthday, i will be working.
i know.
how very grown up of me.

on my actual birthday, i will drop my nanny kids off at school, then promptly drive to coldstone creamery and demand my free ice cream (nicely and probably mumble and keep my eyes to the floor because im introverted that way).   then, to a cupcake place because i have wanted a cupcake for like 4 months now and i just forget how much i want a cupcake each time im in a position to get a cupcake and even though i get the cupcake i dont appreciate how much i wanted a cupcake and then finally got one.
or maybe i just always want cupcakes.
thats probably more likely.

and then do you know what im going to do?
go to coldstone again.
because i cheated and signed up at two different locations, and so therefore i have two different coupons to two different stores and that means, double the ice cream!
oh its good to be a cheat, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. you get free stuff.

(that is actually a slightly falsified truth. what actually happened, is ashley's mom had her already signed up to get ice cream from ABC's location, and ashley, not knowing this, signed up to get free icecream for XYZ's location, and therefore, she accidentally ended up with two coupons. it was entirely an innocent happenstance.  but i would not put it past her that she might have signed up to the second location even if she had known about her mum's signing her up, because she can actually be a cheater. don't tell the people she plays monopoly with)

 

so that is all the planning i've done. does it surprise you that it involves only unhealthy food?

well, i'll be spending my actual birthday working. 

i can eat whatever i want for lunch thank you very much.

but, i may go shopping at antique stores as well  (i saw two the other day that looked darling. and by darling, i mean, falling apart and owned by old old ladies).  

im going to regret all the money i'll spend, but heh. i do what a want thor/bank account. 

and now i must fly, for my volunteer duties calleth me. (i volunteer at a center for woman that supports prolife and helps mothers who choose that route of life).

and in case you were wondering why there are food gifs for pictures, it is because it is two days from my birthday, it is my post, it is my blog, and i wanted food posts. 

also i am hungry for cupcakes. 

signing off while singing "i'll make a man out of you" because my little sisters are watching mulan and i cant help but sing that song in the best attempt at a man's voice each time it comes on,

ashley the almost birthday girl.