baby, he isn't a monster (EVERYONE READ THIS HERE POST. NOW. IT'S IMPORTANT)

“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.” 

- Josephine Hart 

The year is 2053, and Eva Stewart is a promising young scientist assigned to a remote Alaskan facility. Here she will work for WorldCure, a global organization dedicated to finding the cure for fatal diseases. Soon she is made a Handler and designated her own Subject for research and experimentation. However, Thirteen is not what she expected, and Eva is soon drawn into a horrific plot kept quiet by WorldCure. As everything she thought she knew collapses around her, Eva must discover the truth behind her Subject, her beliefs…and herself.

when did this start? I cannot even remember when I got the first chapter in my email as a Beta reader, but I do remember the feeling. 

the crying. 

the sobbing. 

the oh someone please help me because of feels reasons.

i thought my heart was breaking, even at the first chapter.  I probably called Mirriam "Moffat" and other rude names, such as "Mean Mommie".
i thought, at that first chapter, my heart was breaking.
ha. what did i know.
by the end of monster, by the time she sent my the dreaded last chapter (it was over? no. no...i refused to believe it) my heart was never the same again.
by the time she finished, by the time i read the final word (the last word, is "wasn't" for those who wonder...) i was a mess emotionally.

there are three books in this world that have evoked a depression just by finishing them.

• 1: Phantom of the Opera
• 2: The Fault in our Stars
• 3: Monster

and, in case i thought, "this pain will lessen over time" nope nope nope. i was wrong.
all it takes is for me to reread anything from it, or listen to the theme song's music video, and, i turn back into a sobbing ball of emotions that curls up like a hedgehog to protect itself.

how do i put the phenomena that is monster into words? how do i describe it in ways that simple mortal minds can comprehend? (ok, not really...yes really...) how do i...even?

i thought about writing a review like i do for all other books, but i can't. i can't in the same way you cannot stuff a shooting star into a light bulb and try to capture it's brilliance.
i couldn't write a review for The Fault in Our Stars either, nor Phantom of the Opera.
if i cannot write an outright review, a review saying "this is this and that is that and this is how many stars it has", than know this, the book is too stunning to be fit into such a mold of words.
at least by me.

Monster is dear and near to my heart, i feel like i got to watch it 'grow up'. i knew of a few plot twists before they happened (didn't mean it lessened the pain of when they did occur...), i was there at the start, and i survived to the end.
i'm quite proud of surviving.

Monster is brilliance.
Mirriam is brilliance.

It is one of those few books that are perfect, and sweet, and innocent while being about topics that are not so.

the right to choose who is human, who deserves to live, and who has no right to life since they aren't human.

it's about souls, and the people who own them.

it's about fighting for your beliefs.

it's also about feels.


 Now. enough raving and letting my emotions talk, time for business (no, not an outright review, since i cannot write a real review, as i told you. not now. maybe someday, but now, it is emotionally impossible for me to do that. maybe when i have the book in my hands i will....i owe it to mirriam...).

on June 15th, Monster is coming out to be bought on Amazon and select bookstores! which means, you mortals can feel the pain i felt. and i can laugh at you while holding the broken pieces of my own heart.

meanwhile, here, have some Monster link dump:

Mirriam's blog (i'm going to be nice to you right now. because i pity you all for the pain you shall soon experience....here is the monster tag on her blog. scroll through it, and you can see more monster stuffs....don't tell her i gave it to you, shhhh) and Monster's page on her blog.
 go HERE to read an interview Mirriam did for the release of Monster.
And, if you love me, you'll visit/like Mirriam's author facebook page.
as well as Mir/Monster's facebook page, where, you can get updates for the sequel (!yes! sequel! I've already been allowed a mini sneak peak, and...wow. ouch. my heart already hurts...).

also, on June 15th, the release day, Mirriam is planning on having an Amazon blitz, where, basically, she tries to get as many sales for Monster as possible on the release day.  Lets do this for Mirriam, please? everyone?

now, for the big big big big happy news (well....not bigger than the wholeness of all this news...but...eh hem. anyway. continuing..)
you want to hear it?
of course you want to hear it! 

On June 14th, on Mirriam's blog, there will be a very special giveaway! And you know you love giveaways.  So, be sure to keep your beautiful eyes open for that, ok? ok.
(i wasn't going to tell you what is being given away...but...well, i'll give you a hint, k? it's something from Avalyn Designs, and something i love and something symbolic to Monster. thats all i'm saying. nuthin else will you be able to pry from me. i dare you to try...)

so, if you love pain, if you love a stellar read, if you love crying and becoming a feels hedgehog, and if you love hating particular characters (can I get a bumper sticker that says, "Jude Harborn is a jerk", or "Doctor Ross deserves death"?) and, if you love me, or Mirriam, please, do please, look into Monster, and order yourself a little slice of pain (little? ha) on the 15th. you won't be sorry.
i promise. 

 meanwhile, i will be here. waiting. waiting ever so impatiently patient for the minute i can click "buy now" and run around the house laughing shrilly because Monster is on it's (i nearly said 'his' ehehehehehe) way to my mailbox.

now that you have read this post, you better buy the book, or i shall scold you.

Once Upon a November

because I'm such a child, and totally filled this out

I did it.  I finished, I won, NaNoWriMo.  My word count ticker now has purple *WINNER* on it. 

This has been the best November I've ever had the honour of living. 

 I've met so many awesome people. 

 I've written words, some I loved some not so much.

I've fallen in love with characters.

I've fangirled over other people's characters.

And I've realized just how much I love writing.

Guys, I just want to write forever, ok?

Phantom of the Opera

So, Ever since I read the novel (by Gaston Leroux) I have loved POTO, and now, I REALLY REALLY want to own the movie. Must. Buy. From. Wal-mart. Soon. And I have listened to ALL the songs. And for awhile, I sang them, without thinking. Well, one day, while singing 'Wishing You Were Somehow Here' with Christine, I made a realization. With a few tweaks and much practice, I could very likely copy her voice. And, so my musical journey began. Ask my family, I sang that song none stop. I sang it in the shower, I sang it while washing dishes, I sang it while working, while playing, all. the. time.  And, with much practice, I now can do a fairly good mimic of Emmy's voice in that particular song. It is, in fact, a very easy song to copy her voice in. High enough to have some practice involved (I naturally used to sing lower notes, but since trying to copy her voice, my voice has actually changed, and I now sing higher), but not terribly high, not at all like 'Phantom of the Opera' is. But, it has been my goal to sing Phantom of the Opera. I had tried, and failed. I couldn't get the last really high notes without cracking and running out of breath.  So, instead I went back to WYWSH. Perfecting it, just singing it.  But, I'd like to one day play Christine Daae in a play (don't talk to me about my hair color...it can be fixed). That would involve singing ALL the songs. And so, I've gotten to work.

And today.

I did it.

I sang it.

All.

High notes, low notes, everything.

I've never felt prouder, and worst at the same time.  Does anybody know how much the song hurts? really, stretching my vocal muscles that much was painful. But, I didn't stop. Like a dancer with bleeding feet, I had to continue.  I gave myself a headache from lack of oxygen, and from the pure pressure on my head from singing so high. My lungs hurt terribly, they felt stretched and pulled (and they probably were). My throat felt tired (if you know what I mean. It didn't *hurt* or feel *stretched* just, tired feeling) And I couldn't catch my breath for a couple of minutes. But I did it. I sang Phantom of the Opera.

I felt so entirely proud, I felt like I had completely something so big.

True, it wasn't perfect, I slipped up twice where I took longer getting my breath between lines then Emmy did (how does she do it?). I have a lot more practice to do before it is perfect. And I need to perfect my higher notes still.  It just makes my heart happy to know, Emmy had 5 years of Voice lessons, and I've had none. Absolutely none. That doesn't mean I don't want them. I do. I'm just happy I can mostly sing like a 5 year graduate of voice lessons, and Musical singer, and all that goodness.

However, I just tried to sing it, and messed up big time. I think my voice needs more rest then I thought. It cracked out on my early on, poor little vocal muscles, am I working you too hard? GET USED TO IT SUCKERS!

Signed with a white mask,

P.S Does those huge concrete angels give you shivers as well? They look like huge Weeping Angels!! Don't turn your back Christine!!

I don't know what to call this post.

I have thought, and pondered, and wondered on what to name this post.  Then, finally decided, "Blah it all, I will name it just that!"
So, I call it: "I don't know what to name this post".

Now. on to the real stuff.

My most favorite authoress EVER has a blog, and on it, she had posted that she wished she could make some of her books into movies.  I said that if she did, I would LOVE to be Dove (one of the main characters in that book).  I LOVE, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE,LOVE, LOVE,  Dove.  I do.

I also jokingly suggested in a comment that she should make T-shirts with sayings like "Team Dove" or "#1 Dove fan, fight me for the title" on them.  I wasn't truly serious...but I thought it would still be cool.

The other day, I opened up the mail box, there was a boring type thing for Mama and Daddy, a letter for me (JOANNA!) and a package for me.

First thought: "Wow, that book got here really fast, I just placed the order last night!"
Second thought: "Wait a second, this couldn't possibly be the book, it was past work hours when I ordered it"
So, I picked up the package, and here the third thought enters my head: "This isn't a book. It is fabric feeling...I didn't order anything with fabric".

I brought the package in, and hastily tore it open.  Grey fabric stared up at me.
"Sweat pants?" I thought.

Nope.

SSSSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAMM!!!!!!!!!!
A DOVE SHIRT FOR ME!!!!!!!!

Mama is on a chat board with Mrs. Chautona, so she asked Mama for my size.  She ordered me a shirt from Vista print, and (Mama also gave her our address) sent it off to me. ME! ME! I HAVE A DOVE SHIRT!!!!

Can you tell I am, like, SUPER excited?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!

Oh, you want to see it?  SURE!

DOVE ROCKS!!!

Okay, so yeah. I wore it once it was washed (as my brothers told me "Rick n Bubba could wear it" blah brothers ) and shrunk a bit.  It was so darn comfy.  I love my Dove shirt.  I really can't wait to flaunt it.  That isn't nice of me...but....well...I do.

Oh, the great books
that has Dove as a character are these:
Shadows and Secrets
Cloaked in secrets
Beneath the Cloak ~ This book is still in the works.

Oh, and Dove isn't a real Dove.  It is just her name. She is a....well....nobody but Mrs. Havig knows what she is yet! She wears a cloak and doesn't let ANYBODY see her without it.  SO, I have my speculations about what she is...but I wont tell.

I am DYING to read and find out what Dove is!!!!

Who cares about those 'Team Edward' and 'Team Jacob' shirts? (I have a BIG problem against the twilight series, BTW) I own a 'Team Dove' shirt!!!!!!

:SCREAM!!!

Can I do this? is it possible to win? is it worth my time? Will I finish the plot in time? Hmmm.....

OH! you must be wondering why I am talking to myself, are you not?
I'll say it like Mr. Jaggers would from great expectations....

Imagine this case, A girl who loves to write got a interesting magazine last year that was giving a $1,000 award to the person who could write the best story. Now, imagine that the girl didn't get her story submitted, for the time was scarce. Imagine how upset she was. Do you follow Pip (or, I mean to say, readers)?
Now, the very same girl, just checked the mail, the very same magazine is offering the very same prize, do you still follow?  Imagine now, the girl so excited, the girl with many plots just running through her dazed brain. Now I cease to be Mr. Jaggers.

!!!!!!

I'll do it, I'll try it, (and hopefully....) I'LL WIN IT!

Here is the link, cuz I be a cheerful chap, and whosoever would like to compete, well, why not?

NOW. to work!