A higher sort of way

Ya know, why is it that we think our lives end when we get diagnosed with a chronic disease or illness? 

Before I was told I had Bursitis, I wasn't crippled by the fact that I had Bursitis, even though I had it already.   I didn't 'officially' have it, and so I didn't have to worry about the things I couldn't do.  

When we went into the Doctor's office, I thought maybe I had some sort of knee disjointment (If there is such a thing) and thought it would be something easily fixed. 

What teenager honestly thinks they'll get diagnosed with a 'chronic' issue? 

I didn't know what Bursitis was, I just blinked stupidly as our family Doctor told us, and when we asked, "What can we do about it?"  and his answer, that aside from Diet change, which won't fix it permanently, but will keep it away while our diet is good, nothing.
Thats when I started going, "woah, woah, wait...you mean, I'm stuck this way forever?"   But I thought, "Diet change, cool. I can do that. It's not a biggie".  And I walked out of the Doctor's office confused, but not completely worried. 

Fate threw an odd joke our way, and on the way home our Truck broke down, and we had to call My Nana to come pick us up while our vehicle got towed.  We told her what I had, and she panicked, "She has Bursitis? Thats an old person's problem! Why does she have bursitis? Can you fix it? My Mother had that, and it was so bad that...etc etc"
And thats when it 'hit' me. I was in a mess, I was sick. I would never be healed. Not even diet change could completely fix it. Hopeless. Utter hopeless. I would never be able to walk long distances, or hike, or run or go up flights of stairs without hurting. Ever. Again.

 Those first three months were terrible.  It seemed like I just broke down, I gave up.  I coddled myself, and just cried when it hurt to bad. And I think I made it worse.  I become best friends with the Aspirin.  I took enough that it's amazing my liver isn't damaged. 

I made it worse on myself.

But you know what? A part of me enjoyed it too, it relished in the pain because, frankly, I'm a pessimist. It gave me a reason to bemoan myself.

And I curse myself for that.

Part of me wonders, is these other arising health issues created because I was so focused on how broken I was, that I gave myself a greater bite then I had planned to chew?

I didn't relize just how bad I was damaging myself until recently.  I was looking over my life, and reading over my journals, and I realized, I'm different. And not in a good way.

I have become a sidewalk watcher, because I can't be active in the fast paced life.  I know how to fake a perfect limp because I've actually carried one that many times.  I used to never get headaches, and when I did, I was able to get bull headed with them, and ignore it.  But now, whenever I get the slightest bit of neck ache, eye ache, head ache, spine ache, to the medication I go.

Guys, up until I got Bursitis, I had a pride in having never taken medicine for headaches. 

And then I got 'incurably sick' and I caved, easily taking one dose a day, and would've taken more, if it hadn't been in threat of an overdose.

It's without pride I realize I've become just what I tried to become, and yet, didn't know I was doing it.

I'm easily out of shape (Not fat, just...not muscled). 

I take to much medicine for a Teen.

I feel like an invalid when I start aching, and I just shut down mentally.  When My spine starts to hurt, the Zombie apocalpyse could have started, I'm staying in my bed.

I have a disease that I thought was incurable, I thought it had poisened my life, that it had ruined me forever.

But I was wrong.

 The incurable disease isn't inside my knees, or my spine, you know where it's at? My head and my heart. Yep. If I had kept my positive, upbeat attitude, perhaps I wouldn't have the ailments I have now.  Perhaps I would still be a vigourous soccer player. Perhaps I would still be the girl who could kick 40 foot field goals.

(Yes, I could. Now I can't)

I'm sick. Terribly terribly sick. But thankfully, it doesn't need a prescription to be fixed, it just needs the right heart,

And, I think I can do that now.

I just had to hurt to realize it.

I'm going to heal myself.  I don't know if my knees will ever be normal, and my spine might just be a little misalignment we need to have fixed, but I'm still going to heal this poisoned heart.

You know, many times when my knees hurt so bad that I laid in a ball crying to God, "Why did you do this to me? Why do I have to hurt?"  And now, I know why.  I have a hard skull, and it seemed he had to show me where the real pain, poisen and disease was, and the only way was for him to hurt me physically.

Gosh, I can't take a heavenly hint, can I?

But I know now, and I cry to him again, "Thank you, Thank you for hurting me, because I know now".

I just wish I had realized sooner, it would have spared me a lot of boring nights because I 'can't' go run on Thursday nights with the rest of my loved ones. 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, also are my ways higher than your way and my thoughts than your thoughts.     -Isaiah 55:8-8 

 And so, I conclude this post. It is officially the first post I have shed real tears over. Yes, I have cried while typing this up. 

 Being broken and realizing how wrong you were tends to do that to you. 

 I realize I need to be doing NaNoWriMo, but this is a break day for me, since I had some research pop up that I needed to do for my novel.    All the text on the pictures is from the song 'Beauty From Pain' by Superchick, and while I edited the text on, the photos aren't mine.  If you took one of these and have proof, I'll be glad to give the proper homage, blah blah blah. 

 My siblings want me to go watch The Lorax with them, so off I go, but, I meant what I said.  I'm not about to start any 5K or the Iron Man run (I'm almost certian THAT isn't in my future), but I plan to heal my heart, and see if my Body can do the rest.  I think, once I stop pumping poison into it, I'll discover that it will be able to heal itself much better. 

Hey!!

Hey howdy hey....nothin' much going on here, We have moved up to 6 eggs a day, which I guess is OK, seeing how our chickens are old....We whould personly like more though.
We have a cold...Me, Shauna, Kyla, Annaruth, Benna and Lil Titus.
I found this quote on Wikiquote:
"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it" Mark Twian
I'm not a HUGE fan of Mark Twain...He had his problems like Us all....but I think that is a good saying, We can try to get even with the person, But really, is that going to change the person at all? yeah, you might say,"he'll learn not to do that to ME again!", but he'll just hate you inside, and could hurt others, When you lash out in revenge, your only looking out for yourself, and you aren't making any matters better

Colossians 3:3

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

<sup>Matthew 6:14-15


14</sup>For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

A real blog post, ;-)

well, hello!
construction works is still going on...today our mail lady couldn't get to our house 'cause there was a huge line of dirt, and her car couldn't go over it.
Daddy spoke with the crew, and they think that by the end of next week they might be done with our part of the road!
peace and quiet, it is only quiet in the early mornings, when no one is awake, or the week ends.

Waiting....just waiting until Mama has the baby!! any day now!

Today is Benna's day for picture taking...but because she is sick (yeah, Benna has been running a fever here lately,) I might skip her until she is better, We don't want sick looking eyes, now do We?

I've been writing a story, and I'm debating whether to put it here...what do you guys think?

Today Benna went potty in the toilet for the 3rd time!!! she gets so excited when she goes, and I do too, 1 more step to getting her potty trained for good!

We found this stray dog....or should I say it found us? Sorry that the picture is blurry...but it is hard to a picture of an active puppy, playing fetch!

We've named the dog 'Flora' after the dog on the 'Swiss family Robinson'




I think that is all, for now any way!!

lets hope these pictures load!!

Hmm...it doesn't seem like it will let me...lets wait and find out!

nope...this is getting annoying!!!!!!!!!!
oh well...guess you will STILL have to wait!

and I don't think anything interesting has happened.....hmm....let me think..

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
....Kyla will be turning 6 on the 14Th...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...for mother's day We got Mama a ottlite (she has been wanting one for a LONG time, weellll not THAT long, but long enough) and a mat to go under her sewing chair, then We also visited our Grandparents, Nana got a Mother's day card from each of us, and some bored little girl may have made extra too ;-).
Daddy made BB (BB stand s for Boston butt) and hamburgers and his smoker for lunch there.
Nana and Poppy went ahead and gave Kyla her B-day presents, a snow cone maker, snow cone cups, straws and flavoring, it has been gotten used TONS ( can you say, snow cone a day?) the boys have been having fun mixing flavors!!
..
.
.
.
.
.
for memorial day We are having my aunt Peggy and Aunt Thelma over (there families too of course!) so, that will be fun!
.
.
.
.
.Sebastian is back to normal, except he has a chunk missing out of his tongue. :-( but he is getting used to it being missing!.
.
.
.
.
.
is that All??
it seems like once you get to thinking it seems like you can think and think!

OH!
last night We went Grocery shopping, Two buggy's got filled, but then again We only go food shopping once a month. It sure is good to have a full fridge and pantry!!

today for breakfast We had waffles and even though it is 2:30 We haven't had lunch ( We usually Don't have lunches) and tonight We are going to have beans and rice or soup ( I think)

I am not liking this heat!!!!!!!!!!
I prefer cold to hot, you can put more things on to keep warm then you can take off!
thankfully today isn't TOO hot, wish We could go swimming though .

I am still waiting foe my pen pals letter to come.

Hmm....I believe that is all......
What has y'all's week been like?
(Hannah, I know you where in Destin!)

Guess what??

Sebastian is back!!!!!!

He came home Sunday morning, his tongue looked MUCH better and his eye was healed a bit.
but, his throat still looked bad,
then today it has gone down almost ALL the way!!
he has not been able to eat, but today he was able to....and did he eat!!
So,My dog is nearly 'whole' again!
;-)

We've got company!!

the Lewis family is here..... the boys and Daddy went to a knife show at the pioneer settlement while us girls (and little boys too) stayed at our house.
And I have a cold....like you already know.....so, along with all those poor people who I came in contact with while We where in town yesterday, I might 'help' the Lewis' have a better immune system, by them getting my cold!

;-)
;-P
:-P

Guess what We ( actually I) got?

if you guessed a neat, nifty contraption, then your wrong, WAY wrong!

cause.....
.
.
..
.
.
.I
.
.
.

.
..
got ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.a
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!

I',e had it for about 2 days now, my voice is messed up, and yesterday and the day before that my throat was SO sore!!!
I felt like I NEEDED water, but once I drank it, it stung so bad!
thankfully it is only my nose and voice and feeling tired ALL the time that I have to deal with!

Puppy problem

We went to town today to get some things done, when We got back Evan and Shauna came running up with Porcha, They said she was in the water bucket, So? the Puppies water container is very shallow, "no, in the BIG dogs container!" now that container is much deeper then Porcha so that meant she must have been swimming....who knows how long!! As a matter of fact, the water bucket is 5 gallons! the poor puppy, she was shaking so they got a towel, not much better, so We took her inside and put her before a heater, still she shook, just not as bad. Her breathing sounded like she was trying to breath, cry and had water in her lungs all at the same time...who knows...maybe she was! We don't know HOW she got in there, after all, it was too tall for her to just Hop on in for a swim!
I think that They got on the porch and she fell through the rails into the bucket, but My Idea has faults, The rails may be to small for her to fit through....comfortably.

Who knows? I just hope she lives....shes not acting right.
She is such a sweet puppy! it would be terrible if she died!

Sickies and more

Will this ever end??????????


Last night We ate at Pizza hut for Annaruth's birthday dinner, and guess what??? Yep, if you guessed that Benna got sick at the restaurant then you are100 percent right! she was acting OK, considering, but just as the poor waitress came to bring our food, out it came, the poor lady placed the food on the table ( the clean end) and ran for napkins, she dropped a handful of napkins on the table and scooped up the mess, how wonderful of her, so I hauled Benna off to the bathroom, and when I came back We all ( except Benna, of course) ate a few Pizzas then left, how frustrating! I can hardly wait for this to be over!!!!!!!!!!

I'm tired of posting about sickies, but other than that, what is there???

OK, let Me think.............

Well, the puppies are growing fast, so is Princess' kittens, They wont come inside when they decide to be born!!

RooRoo got a bike and 'chutes and ladders' from Mama and Daddy, Puzzles and a dollar from Nana and poppy and Zeb gave her a ball from Pizza hut. Her cake is premade from Wal-mart, it is white and has her name on it She can hardly wait to eat it, but We are going to wait until Benna feels better, poor Baby, at Pizza hut while We where eating Benna was saying "hey!" (yes, she can say that now!) and had a confused look on her face.

I am reading about Susanna Wesley.

still haven't finished our garden.....we will sometime soon, We are determined to do so!

So.... I guess there is something else to say..... well...got to go, I guess.

Bye!

spoke too soon

Benna has gotten sick Two times since my last post, Oh, When will My Baby better??


We had thought about going to Pizza hut, but seeing how Ruby got sick again.......guess it wont happen :-( oh well, save for another day!

All Better!!, I think

Yes, We are all back to normal, at least it seems like it, As most of y'all probably know All of us children got the Stomach bug that was one hard night! it felt like I would sleep for 30 minuets then stay awake for 5, it was worse when I could hear others get sick (YUCK!) luckily I was the only one in our room, everybody else slept in the living room.
the next day We just sat (or laid) around sipping Canada dry (thanks Lewis'!!) and watching movies, Ratuotoouie (Did I spell that right?) Meet the Robinsons (I LOVE that movie) The trial of old Drum (I believe that was what it was called) Gentle Ben 2 ( that is one movie that does NOT strike my fancy!) and star wars episode 5 :-). By then it was Dinner time, because none of us had gotten sick all day Mama and Daddy let us eat Chicken noodle soup ( Thanks Again Lewis Family!!!)

So, that was how we spent yesterday, Daddy got to wash ALL the Dishes :-) thankfully Mama and Daddy have not gotten sick, and most likely won't, Because today all of us Kids are back to normal! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH, Hannah, Did you Know that Frank Oz (Yoda) was half Jewish, his parents moved to England to escape the Holocaust, later he moved to America, and he also played as Cookie monster, Grover and some other sesame street carerector, Pretty cool Huh?

Planting today

We are going to plant Carrots, Potatoes, cabbage and I think peas, I think,
Mama wants to use a new way, it is called 'Square foot gardening' she has been reading a book about that way, and Really wants to do it that this year, It sounds neat.

Well, that is what is what We will be doing, how about You guys??

Also, I am trying to start a new story, but here lately my mind is blank to such things, I start, get discouraged and stop, but, maybe I'll continue.

uh oh, RooRoo got sick again, gotta run.

More sickies

Now Annaruth is Sick too!
Yeah, we won't be going to church tomorrow, most likely.
Now we are just waiting until this virus spreads...... Who will be next?????
most likely it will be me, Mama or Daddy, since we are more active with the sick ones.

I hope Mama doesn't get sick!

Sick.........poor Benna!

yep, my adorable Baby sister is sick :-( , I was hoping to go hear the Bontrager family, but I guess it was not to be, oh well, that way Y'all know why we are not there!

Goats

UPDATING ON NELLIE:
sorry I haven't been able to update you on Nellie, but all but 3 of our friends goats died, the family said the goats where getting better than suddenly died, any ideas what could be wrong with them? all the goats died but our goats ( Nellie, sugar & Rocky ) one billy of theirs, and 2 of their own kids. Nellie is Really thin, just her coat then bones she is drinking a molasses/water mixture with vengence, but the only thing she'll eat is sweet feed, Nellie would be REALLY bad off if she did'nt eat sweet feed! Sugar & Rocky are fat as can be! they have gotten so big!! Evan & Zeb could hardly catch them. I really wan't them over here!

Whats going on at the Hunters!

HI! I've decided that since I haven't been telling y'all whats been going on at the hunters that I'd take this post to report what has been in our life.


First, Mama has Tendonitis in her wrist, she has to to keep it bandaged up, some things shes not able to do, like brush her hair, etc. I've been putting snaps on the bibs Mama ha made, since she can do that, its just difficult for her to.

second, Our goat, Nellie, is sick, shes not wanting to drink water and shes not breathing right. They family that's keeping her for us also had there goats get sick but they have almost fully pulled out of it, but Nellie still remains sick. Mama thinks its because Nellie is a pure-bread Nubian, and the others are wood goats or in other words, Mixed breeds. Mixed breeds often are tougher than pure breads. If Nellie dies than we'll have to bottle feed her kids, Which I wouldn't mind except for the fact that Nellie would be gone, and Nellie is a really good goat.

Third, Today is the Lighthouse/GEMS ( which stands for GOSPEL EXPRESS MINISTRIES ) Auction, but Mama & Daddy decided not to go this year because we couldn't buy anything because we don't have enough $$ to do so, we also would waste money on lunch and gas, More $$, so instead we're going to see Nellie, go pick up Mama's medicine for her Tendonitis than eat supper with our friends, the Dimarcos.

Fourth, I know, I'm kinda late in talking about this, But I'm really upset Obama won!! :-( :-{ :-[
:-<, It gets worse, Almost ALL the house and senate are Dems, I t wouldn't be that way if the house & senate where reps, But nope... All Democrates!! And its funny that the democrat animal is a donkey, donkeys are'nt too smart and Elaphants are smart!

Ok....I think thats all, if I forgot somthing I'll just edit and add it,

love, Ashley

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.